The Revenants

I have had to deal with far too much death of loved ones for such a short time on this plane. Isn't there some kind of sliding scale for these things? I understand the older you get, well, these things happen. But I'm not even 40 yet and I've had to go through all four of my grandparents, school chums, my mother, my birth mother, assorted dogs, cats, and we bury my aunt next week. She died in April (we had to wait for relatives from the states to be able to come hence the delay in the burial). And now I worry about my cats, my aunt has cancer and my dad isn't getting any younger. Good thing I like wearing black.

But anyway.

I was finally able to call the pet cemetary to make arrangements for my puppy without bursting into tears on the phone. I also had to take 2 of the cats in for allergy shots two days after I had to go through the whole ordeal with him. That was kinda tough knowing he was still there... in the... ya know... 'basement'.

But as the old song goes, life goes on. The house is quiet. Too quiet. And I feel somewhat more vulnerable without my security system alerting me to uncharacteristic neighborhood sounds. I used to be able to leave the downstairs window open on hot nights, but not anymore... wait a second... didn't I have a dream about people trying to get into my house? And I remember in the dream wondering why Cayman wasn't barking? And wanting to close the window but being afraid to.

Wow. Okay. That's going to require more indepth thought.

Anyway, so my dad fixed the back door so it actually latches and locks now. Again I never really worried about it with my protector keeping an eye on things. I may get another dog some day, but a smaller one. I loved my puppy but dayum he was a handful and a half some days. And planning even just an overnight trip required a trip to a boarding kennel because no one wants to deal with a dog that size.

I miss my puppy and if I could turn back time and have him back I would.

So why do I feel guilty that I like the idea I can leave my supper on the coffee table to refill my water glass? Or that I don't have to worry someone's going to walk in and let the dog out? That I can take the cat's food dishes out of the bathroom and down to the kitchen? That I don't have to pick up every scrap of paper from his reach before I go to bed?

And the cats... *insert sardonic laughter*... they're not even bothering to hide their elation that he's not there anymore. They're stretched out on their backs snoozing at any given time in the middle of the living room or kitchen. Although the kitten is worrying me. She grew up with the puppy (she's 2yrs) and they played together. She's taken up residence in the same spot in the kitchen for the last week. It's almost like she's waiting for him to come in the back door from being outside. But she's not meowing or acting sad and morose. She's just been laying around in a spot she previously hadn't. I can't decide if she's taken advantage of the fact that he's not going to put her head in his mouth or if she's waiting for him. She's a hard cat to read.

And the guy who sent me an unsolicited picture of his bare ass has contacted me again. Christ what is WITH these guys? Do they think our memories are that short? Come on! I talked to him briefly last night and he asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no, then he said 'you were last time we talked'... like that makes a difference now because...? I just said 'yeah and that was how long ago?' He's still the same and I'm still not interested. GO. AWAY.

There's a big music festival here this weekend so getting together with friends and partaking of libations should scare off some of the dark clouds that have been hanging over my house.

'The Revenants' by The Distillers
My favourite song. Check it out.