I Love My Shoes

Muy Caliente!

I added a couple new links on the side, and consider this your forewarning that the Sexy Tomatoes or the Suicide Girls may not be work safe should that be an issue for you.

And before someone sez " Well no wonder you're still single! You're a closet lesbian!" Nooooo... not that there's anything wrong with that. But I like dudes. Alot. Trust me.

These sites remind me why it's great to be a strong woman comfortable in her own skin, and comfortable with her sexuality. It's just comforting to know you're not alone and that it's okay to be exactly who you wanna be.

And check out the ink on those Suicide Girls! When I start thinking I went a little overboard with the Dragon I just look at those chicas.

The Simple Life

I've been a pretty busy grasshopper since Friday afternoon.

So first off, I've been debating this tattoo I've wanted since I saw it on a girl in The Matrix sequels. I can't remember her name in the movie but she was the girlfriend of the guy that was the pilot I think, and I can't even remember his name. Her name in real life is Nona Gaye, that much I do know cause I googled her incessantly trying to find a good shot of this tatt.

ANYWAY... so that actually didn't pan out and I kinda let it go which tells me I must not have wanted it there as bad as I originally thought cause once I decided I wanted a dragon there instead I was sitting at the tattoo parlor pouring through books before the words were barely out of my mouth. And 'there' being on my bicep so when I'm standing facing someone, the tattoo is looking back at you (Hey how ya doin' *wink wink*)

So I got this (what I think is) very cool reddish/brownish dragon. I've never gotten one quite this big so I'm still thinking oooohhhhh ddeeeaarrr... everytime I look at it, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. Too bad if I don't HA! Too late now. Oh well. If Angelina can pull them off...

yeah... I'm no Angelina but don't tell me psyche that

So my cat was acting weird Friday night. She's almost 15 so when she starts acting weird you don't waste any time getting her to the vet. Turns out it looks like she got a bite or scratch from another animal and it got infected. And it's on her butt. *snort* I was SO relieved to hear it was just an infection though. She looked pretty rough Saturday morning and I was preparing for the worst. But mah baby's got some time yet. I think that might have been life #9 though. She's been through alot in her life from a car accident, a caesarean section, mastitis, gingivitis, and now an infected butt. If she was human she'd be the crankiest bitch on the block. But she loves her mama and isn't afraid to show me so she can be as mean as she wants to everyone else.

Since it was 9 million degrees here Saturday and in my delirium from the heat I somehow mistakenly thought my last name was Rockafeller, I went out and bought a pool. Not a huge inground affair, although that would have been FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC, but it's a good size. It's 10ft long and the water comes up to your chest when you sit in it. Just enough to get cooled off in the heat and keep the Kid from driving everyone absolutely INSANE this summer whining how she's hot and bored. I told her even if we end up eating KD all week it was worth every cent.

So back to work this morning with a nice tan and an itchy new tattoo. Thank god it's a short week here in Kanada. I'm working on my social phobia and have invited some friends over Thurs eve for beverages, then we're heading out to see a friend's band play. I have a good feeling it'll be lots of fun. Can't go wrong with friends, beverages and good tunes. Salut!

Summertime Blues

Just some random thoughts bouncing around my cranium today.

I wonder if my friend is coming home soon and if I'll get to see him while he's here. And I wonder if he ever wonders 'what if' about the two of us every once in awhile like I do.

I complain I never do anything, yet I don't seem to make much of an effort to make things happen. But it seems everytime I do hardly anyone shows. It seems to be the more casual the invite 'yeah come over if you're not doing anything' seems to get the best results. But I hardly ever do this because I'm paranoid of my cleaning/decorating skills are just not up to snuff. Everyone else's house looks great. Mine always looks cluttered and half-assed. I'm no Martha Stewart. But I don't know where I get this notion that my friends will be poking in corners and turning their noses up because I might have missed a spot. If I'm having a get together I'll spend days cleaning and shining. Is this normal? Do I need psychiatric help for this compulsion? I don't understand how I can be so uncaring about what people think of me, but when it comes to people seeing my house I freak out.

moving on...

The object of my affection: long blonde hair, shy, cute... I still think about him alot. We had a brief dalliance and to his credit he was upfront in telling me he wasn't looking for a long term relationship. I thought 'yeah, I'll change his mind on that... ' Phft. I pined, still pine from time to time but I had to take my own advice and admit he's not calling because he doesn't want to. Swallow the jagged little pill and stop saying things like 'he's just shy... maybe he doesn't think I want him too... ' Which could of course be true, but sitting around believing them to be fact while the phone is still not ringing serves no purpose. I wish I'd run into him somewhere and his eyes would light up when he saw me. Then I'd jump his bones and finish what we started and tie him up in the basement so he couldn't get away again.

snort

The Object of his Affection: is me. A different him. He's smart, funny, we get along like a house on fire... did I mention he was married? Of course he is because this is my life we're talking about. He dreams about washing my feet. Gives one a sense of omnipotence. The air crackles with the sexual tension when we're in the same room. I tell him the day he gets divorced I better be the first person he comes to visit. I know. Good girl. Yeah... I'm not such a good girl. I flirt with him. I invite him over for wine. I call him at 2am to come drive me home from the bar. I flirt with disaster. He feels like a boyfriend I have no physical relationship with. And I think about what that physical relationship would be like. ALOT. Because I think it would be hot. I tell him I think it would be over in 30 seconds because of the years of built up anticipation then we'd be left disappointed and wondering what the hell all the excitement was about. He doesn't agree with me though. I don't either but sometimes it helps me stay away from him.

*fans self* next topic

What if someone I knew came across this blawg and figured out it was me? Would I want to die from embarassment?

*thinks a minute*

No. Who cares. Whatever. You can't mock me if it doesn't bother me. Go ahead. If it makes you smile thinking what a tool I am, well I'm glad I brightened your day a little.

I need to be more social. I need to stop worrying what people will think of my cleaning and decorating skills, or lack thereof and just start inviting people over for stuff. All my other friends do it. I think I relied too much on other people's party hosting and just never bothered doing my own. But then when I think about having a dinner party or something I think oh dear god where am I going to put everyone?! I don't have enough furniture! My house is too small! And I never finished painting the hallway! and I'm only halfway through stripping the stairs they look horrible! And what if someone see my junk room ?! Okay that's it. Forget the party. I can't let anyone see this.

yeah this is what happens every time. I should have a barbeque maybe. That would work. Hmmm now there's a thought. I don't feel my stress level going up too high over that. But I don't have a barbeque. I don't eat enough meat to justify getting one. I could invite my neighbor... and ask if he'd mind bringing his barbeque with him ha ha.

I have a new weekend habit towards getting more social. Sitting on the doorstep with a bottle of wine. Friday and/or Saturday nites (depending on the weather and how tired I am) I light the tiki torches and sit on the stoop. The tiki torches seem to have become my beacon for anyone who wants to come join me that the wine drinking will now commence. So far only one of my neighbors has joined me but we still have fun. The kids run around and play and we watch the world go by while we slug back a few glasses. I suggested we should have a neighborhood Block Party this summer and he thought that was a great idea. I already warned him he'll have to do the barbequing.

hahaha Summertime Blues just came on, the Alan Jackson version. That's a cosmic message from my mom. She loved Alan Jackson.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm gonna do
cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

Even Freaks Need Love Too

"Hello how are things in **** may be heading your way in the next month or so I am taking a heavy equipment course in **** not sure of the start date.
Maybe we can have a cup of coffee sometime tell a few weird stories bye for now Paul"

Again with the coffee.

I talked to this man for a few hours one night and although he seemed somewhat interesting, he came off as way more religious than I prefer. Don't get me wrong, I believe to each his own, but seeing as I'm not even christian, I don't see a future here.

However we had alot in common. I had a really interesting experience while talking to him online that I hesitate mentioning for fear of causing brain hemorrages from the eye-rolling that will occurr, but I think it's pertinent to mention to explain why I feel it's necessary that I meet him in person.

I get visits from time to time... from people... that uh... aren't alive anymore. Yes, I see dead people. Not all the time and I can't seem to do it 'on command' (although to be honest I've hardly ever tried- be careful what you wish for comes to mind), but if there's a strong one that wants to be heard dammit he's gonna be heard. I'm not here to defend or debate this ability. I have it, I have enough witness and proof. The End.

So anyway, I'm chatting away to Mr. I Believe In Angels and almost right off the bat I'm getting some old British guy demanding I say hello to Mr Angel. I'm trying to ignore him not wanting to reveal just how fucking insane I can be within minutes of meeting someone new, but he was REALLY persistent. According to his profile, the live guy, not the dead one, he professed to be into the paranormal so I'm thinking well... it's kind of a requirement if you're gonna hook up wit moi, so let's test just how into it he really is.

So I start by asking if he knows Roy. Who is Roy. Does he know Roy. So after some back and forth and describing this gentleman and passing on the message to say 'hello to his mum and they'll be having tea soon' he tries to test me a few times with some questions for Roy, then finally fesses up he knows who it is. Yeah whatever buddy. Do you think I like having these dudes following me around interrupting my day insisting I go deliver their messages? Do I LOOK like Fedex for the dearly departed? I joke to my friend that my name is on some community bulletin board in the afterlife. 'For communicaton with the living, please see....'

So Mr. Angel is impressed and shares with me a freaky occurence or two that happened to him and I listen and think... yeah. There are lots of things that can be chalked up to pure coincidence. Not everything can be attributed to 'spiritual intervention'. I'm sure my friend will back my up when I say I am certainly a believer, I have no choice, but I will look for every other possible explaination before I start running around telling everyone about the footsteps up the stairs although there's clearly no one there.

And there I go being too critical again. I'm trying to stop doing that. He did know which town I live in and that's a bit of a mystery to me. Unless you can get someone's IP in an msn chat, or from hotmail I have no idea how he knew where I was.

Anyway... I didn't mean to turn this into ghost story time. I'm interested in meeting this guy because he claims to have abilities. I'm always interested in meeting freaky people. And I can get a better sense of him in person. A friend and I had a conversation one time about how we were both really good at summing a person up in seconds... but how much of that is intuition, reading energy or just being really good at reading body language. He seems to put more into the intuition part of it but I don't know. Maybe so.

I can honestly say I'm not really excited in the sense that I think a romance is going to come out of it. He's too 'godly' for my tastes... not that that's a bad thing. One of my dearest friends is a minister. We just don't talk about religion. I respect his beliefs like he respects mine. I just can't see how a relationship can develop between those two. I had a dear devout Mormon friend, still is a friend, but we were toying with the idea of marrying each other. He's a great guy, but besides the whole religious thing, I just couldn't see it working between us for other reasons. Maybe I'm the religious snob. Huh. I must ponder this further. I've chosen not to start relationships with church-going types, even though they seem to think it's no biggie. I think I had it in my head they thought once they got me under their spell they could 'save me'. ha... ha... HHAHAHAHHAHA yeah that ship has sailed my brutha.

I haven't really talked to Mr. I Live Through My Kids again. Once, I think, and he wasn't very talkative at all. So why bother saying Hi at all if you don't want to talk to me? Again, immaturity rears it's ugly head.

I'm probably going to regret posting this about the dead people thing after I actually post it. I waffle with not giving a flip who knows and trying to keep it a secret except from anyone I know who won't roll their eyes and say 'yeah right'. I have developed friendships with a group of people over the last year, other folks with similar stories and you just have no idea how great it feels to be able to talk about your latest experiences with freakiness like others discuss new recipes, to be able to get support and guidance makes you feel giddy. Just to know you're not insane (I say that dubiously) is an unbelievable relief.

Wow did I get off topic today. And I'll probably sit here for a good 30 minutes trying to decide if I should hit Publish Post or not.

hhhmmmmmmmmm....

Head Meet Wall... Repeat

I've been ill the last couple days. Combination acid reflux and a lovely head/chest cold settling in. I never had such heartburn until I quit smoking. Someone please explain this to me. I was actually healthier before I quit smoking. Go figure.

ANYWAY... so boredom sets in and I toddle back to Lavalife to troll around and see who I can scare up to amuse me. A guy sends me a smile and I read his profile thinking well, he's not my usual fare but that's working real well for me (sarcasm) so at least we can have a chat and I can get a better idea what he's all about.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Let me get this straight. I am a mother. I have one child. I do all the normal parental things with my child... HOWEVER... when I meet potential date material for the first time I do NOT go on and on and on about her. Please. To me this screams I HAVE NO LIFE OF MY OWN. Now before I get slammed for being a bad parent, any good parent will tell you you need to take time for yourself or you will lose your mind. It's just that simple. When we started talking about what we liked to do in our spare time it was all 'take the kids here' and do this with the kids... like okay I get it. I think that's what turned me off about him. If you're a parent it's pretty standard fare you do things with your kids, but he seems so gung ho in making sure I KNEW every spare minute of his life was devoted to being SUPER DAD. I'm sorry, I'm not interested in being Super Mom. I'm more concerned about being a good mother who has a small slice of her life left to herself. I have a friend who's life is totally devoted to her kids, cooking, cleaning blah blah blah and she's wound so tight you could stick coal up her ass and she'd shit diamonds. And they bicker all the time (her and hubby) and she complains alot. Whenever their family comes over you can feel the tension. She needs to go get drunk (and I suspect laid) or something.

Which brings me to another weird thing he said... I asked if he ever went out and he said if he lived in (a city close to this small town) he would go out more. I asked him why and he said because he's only been sperated a year and it's a small town, you always run into someone you know. I thought okay... his kids are 9 and 11 I think he said, and I'm thinking either you're a really idiotic drunk, or you're just weird because how are these kids gonna find out how you behaved at a bar? It's not like their friends would see him. And even if he was concerned about the whole idiotic drunk factor, just don't drink that much. So I said... so Dad's not allowed to have any fun then? And he said he guesses he's sheltering them a bit.

Oiy vey. And he even 'talked' (msn talk) odd. I don't know if he was trying to impress me or if he's like this all the time, which would be worse, but he was really stiff and articulate. He spoke to me like I was a business associate, not a chick he was trying to get to know. Now it's one thing to NOT sound like a tool that just fell off the turnip truck, but loosen the bone Wilma GAWD. Made me think he's overdoing it too much like he wants to make sure I know he knows big words. Guys raised in small communities with back woods reputations will do this. But most of us aren't going to judge you on where you were raised, but rather the person you've become. He also told me some of his musical favs are Il Divo, Three Tenors, etc etc. Yeah. Now Italian opera is fine quality music and I'm not judging his musical tastes, but COME ON! It was becoming clear to me that he really didn't read my profile very well. 'Camping is not really my thing. I'd rather grab a bottle of Absolut and go see a band, the louder the better'. Now... does this even remotely make me sound like I might be a patron of the arts?

And I saw his picture. Not ugly, but DEFINITELY nowhere NEAR my type. I like that whole pearl jam/rock dude with a brain thing. He looked like pudgy lumberjack. Not being judgemental, just painting a picture. I will admit I did hear 'Dueling Banjos' playing softly in the background however.

Now I'll admit I've been guilty of letting things drag on because I didn't know how to say 'you're nice and everything, but not my type. Good luck out there skippy'. Then I complain they won't leave me alone. So after about an hour of conversation last night, discussing pertinent things that there must be a commanality and finding none, we're signing off and he suggests another chat soon. I pull up my big girl panties and say "I'm sorry. I just don't think we have that much in common." I smile to myself, proud I've been able to cut this one off at the pass. Then he says he thought I was quiet (that should have been a hint skippy) and I haven't said enough for him to be able to agree or disagree.

Now the sassy mouthed beyotch in me wanted to say 'well it just doesn't matter if you agree with me or not fuck nuts, I didn't ask if you fucking AGREE with me now did I?' However... I kept thos big girl panties on and just said well what do you want to know? And ya know what he asks? What do I like to do for fun with my daughter.

So I indulge him a few more minutes of idle chit chat and as we're signing off he asks if I'd be willing to entertain another chat or do I think it's a lost cause... now I should have just said 'stick a fork in her skip, she's dead' but the nice person said if he wanted to chat that's fine but I sense a vast chasm between us. Yes, that's what I said. He said... good lord... he said he found that interesting and he was looking forward to exploring that in our next chat.

*eye roll*

I'm looking forward to asking him how many times he's been in the back of a cop car and who do you like better, The Distillers or Hole? And isn't Courtney Love the coolest! I wonder how many piercings & tattoos he has. Maybe we can compare.

Something tells me when I hit him with the specifics of just how wide and deep that chasm is, I think that might be the end of it. I'm actually looking forward to it. Gives me something to do to lighten the boredom.

Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

It is a spectacular day here today. Sunny, warm... I feel like sitting on the porch after work with a bottle of Fortrant and watching the world go by.

But alas I have to take the sprog to a birthday party then workout for 45 min cause I blew it off yesterday in favour of a nap on the couch.

God reality SUCKS