You're Ugly and Your Mother Dresses You Funny

While my new job unfortunately does not allow me to blog/email/surf anything I wouldn't want Big Brother to see during the day and tends to leave me brain dead in the evenings... plus The Sprog hogging the computer... I have been a dormant blogger for quite some time.

But that is all about to end this evening as I feel so insensed... so inflamed... so disgusted by something it has driven me to brush away the cobwebs and make my public outcry to denounce this vile epidemic sweeping the landscape. It offends me. It causes me to turn away in revulsion, bile rising in the back of my throat as I cringe and grimace at the very sight. It is wrong. Wrong like... like when that guy dug up body parts and built Frankenstein.

Crocs. *shudder*

That's right. I'll say it. I'll dare to be the person to stand up tall and proud and call them for what they are.

THEY ARE UGLY PEOPLE!! STOP WEARING THEM!!

You have been sucked in like a bug in an intake valve. $33 for rubber shoes?! Are you kidding me? And you're PAYING IT?!?! This is one of those times I think some designers (and I use that term loosely... mental patients more likely) got together and decided they'd try it again (after they did a trail run with wide leg pants in the 70s) , just to see how stupid people are. Let's make something really ugly but tout it as 'The Next Big Thing' and you're sssooooooooo not with it if you don't have it and let's see how many people go for it.

Then they lit the Bong and came up with 'Crocs' *shudder*

" But they're so comfortable...." my sister says. Yeah? Well so are polyester stretch pants but I don't see you getting around in those.

Listen to me people, if you're over the age of 12, the shoes look stupid. They're not cute on a 45 year old woman. They're cute on kids, but again- please refer to the age limit I have set forth. You look like a sheep following a trend, just another wanna be who got duped out of $35 for stupid looking shoes. If you wanna get them for mosing around the house or the garden of whatever, fine. Be my guest. But they should put little electric shockers on them so if you try to leave the boundaries of your personal property you get a nice little jolt to the soles of your feet to remind yourself you don't want to go out in public looking like AN IDIOT!!

And if that wasn't bad enough, now you can buy little plastic things to stick in the holes of these moron boots. Like, as if you didn't look retarded enough prancing around in your purple plastic shoes, now you're gonna shell out... what? I bet those little plastic dogs and cats and butterflies are $3 a pop? Am I close? WAKE UP AND SMELL THE RIP OFF PEOPLE.

Okay, I just need to calm down, shake it off. Where are my meds? I don't care what, just anything with 'phine' at the end of it will do.

What we need to do is bring all our troops back from AfghaniPakiRaq and use them to round up all these abhorrences of nature and burn them, bury them, nuke the hell out of them, shoot them into space. Or even better... maybe... send them to AfghaniPakiRaq and leave them laying around for the enemy to find. Drop a few pairs outside the caves and run. Bet it would make it much easier to spot them trying to hide behind a sand dune with those flourescent babies on. Let's see how much longer Bin Laden thinks he can hide in his stylin' lime green crocs with puppies and flowers in the holes. Am I right or am I right? Huh? huh?

If you own a pair of these monstrosities and decide to flame me, well... really... how serious do you think I'm gonna take a dressing down from someone who wears pink plastic shoes in public?


np- 'Faster Kill Pussycat" - Paul Oakenfield

Satanic Lemon

Until I manage to gather a few thoughts in a cohesive manner, please enjoy just another wild and weird thing I found out there in FreakLand.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=9508334956

Don't forget to read the comments. Priceless.

All Hail Beelzefruit!

Est que je peux une vanilla latte por favor?

Sometimes I feel like that poor stupid rat that gets zapped everytime it goes for the cheese, but just keeps doing it anyway.

I have a date next weekend. The plans are loose at this point but they do involve meeting up for coffee on Saturday. While so far he hasn't set off any of my mental red flags (other than that whole 'death metal' thing), past experience won't let me get too excited until I meet the dude face to face. And hear him speak. In full sentences. With no speech inpediment or words that make no sense. And odd nervous ticks count against him. Sorry- call me shallow. I don't care. But I dare any of you to tell me you honestly think a facial tick is sexy. Puhlease. While Terrets can be humourous, it's certainly not sexy.

But yeah, so as long as he is what I think he is, then just maybe I might actually get me some this decade.

And my house is rented! YAAAHHHH!!! Real estate dude came through for me! So now I'll have a little extra moola each month which I SHOULD be putting away... for... something... but for now I'm having too much fun shopping and drinking lattes and these things cost money dammit. I have a life now dammit and lives cost money dammit. I am just SOOOO unbelievably thrilled I don't have to make one more trip to New Cracker to clean out that house. It is finito and buddy moves in on Monday. A-fucking-men. I am now officially... a 'Landlord'. Fear me. Bow to me. Or not. Whatever.

I feel so relieved. I know there were SOME people who probably hoped things would not work out for me on this whole move, so to you I say NAH NAH NAH FUCKING NAH BITCH. I got a great job doing a quarter of the work I was doing before for more pay, I really like the apartment we moved into, my house is rented so there's a little extra money for me, and I live in the city. So please, continue to enjoy your stagnant little life in your stagnant little town while you hear through the grape vine how great I'm doing.

In reality I really should thank her for being such a cunt because in a way she was one of the contributing factors that pushed me to do what I wanted to do all along.

Yeah, maybe later.

np: (Good Riddance) Time of Your Life - Green Day (* I swear I'm not making it up. It just came on the radio. Talk about karma or what)

Snakes On a Plane

I read this tonight and felt myself laughing and giggly with anticipation.

This could (and probably will) end up being one of those craptacular displays of cinematic wanking that's so bad it's good... but the title ALONE... and maybe the fact that Samuel L "I'm a mushroom cloud laying mutha fuckah" Jackson is in it will make it this year's MUST SEE simply for the kitsch factor alone.

This has Mystery Science Theatre written ALL over it

Mark my mutha fuckin' words

http://hucksblog.blogspot.com/2005/08/snakes-on-motherfucking-plane.html

The Sun Also Rises

Ahhhh yes. Here I am once again.
I'm back.
Well I never really went far, just really busy with the move and had sporadic internet access. But we're all hooked up... dialed in... back in the loop as it were.

There's not much to tell, no real huge dramas to report. I got a new job in the city, spent a month of the work week in the City, weekend in Small Town, packing and learning a new job and trying to find a place to live. Gives me a headache just to think about it. But as a wise man once told me... How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time girl, one bite at a time.

So I'm almost to the ass end of the beast. We're moved into a nice apartment, good local, close to school yadda yadda yadda... really like my new job and coworkers - with a few exceptions but if everyone were pleasant and fun I'd have nothing to bitch about. I still am trying to rent out my house... which I thought I already had until I asked for a deposit then SOOPRISE! never heard from him again. Quelle surprise. A pox on him and his famille. I was really leary about him from the get go though so I think that worked out for the best. Gotta learn to trust the gut. So I've handed my domicile over to a realty agency that also handles leases. They advertise, do the viewings, interview the tenants... take care of all that legal mumbo jumbo I'm sure I would screw up and land in front of Judge Judy (eek!). I just *hope*hope*hope* they find me someone soon because although I have a cushion to carry me a month or two, rent and mortgage will eventually land me in a cardboard box, or eating Kraft Dinner every day. Ick.

Anyway... enough of that bollucks. I'm answering Stormy's tag on this one. I usually don't do these because I just can't be bothered sitting and thinking about the answers, but this one is short and sweet and pretty straight forward.

Four Jobs I've Had:
Cashier
Sales person in clothing store
Bussed tables (*shivers*)
Travel Agent

Four Places I've Lived
New Cracker
Halifax
Victoria
Dartmouth

Four Movies I Watch Over and Over
Twister
Colour Purple
Kundun
Harry Potter movies

Four Places I've Vacationed
(Only Four?! Sheesh... I'm a travel agent dammit. How bout my favourite four)
Spain
Seattle
Iceland
Morocco

Four Favorite Dishes
Lasagna
Breakfast at Cora's
Chicken Caesar salad
Chicken Stir Fry

Four Sites I Visit Daily
Hotmail (only during breaks... I got Big Brother breathing down my neck now)
Velvetrope
Lavalife... whhyyyy I have NO idea. Just can't seem to get out of there entirely
Some sort of work approved news site ie cbc.ca, msn.com

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now
Italy
Seattle
Sleeping
a hut on the beach in Tahiti

Four TV Shows I Love
Dead Like Me
My Name is Earl (Never underestimate 15 beers-HA! Gawd I love that show)
The Office
Miami Ink (Chris Nunez if you're reading this... baby call me... seriously... we could so totally hook up)

Anywayz.... more to follow. Working in a large office is certainly entertaining and I'm sure I'll have stories to share. I'm just getting to know the characters but already I can see the office goings on are certainly more interesting than what they're paying me to do.

np: The Faders 'No Sleep Tonight'