We had big time fun this weekend.
We arrived in the City in one piece and hit the local mega Shop Til You Drop plex. Woohoo! The Girl is going to Junior High this fall and since she's a smidge on the insecure side... nothing that needs therapy, pretty much just regular kid insecurity... I thought it would help to get her new clothes in 'The City'. Kinda give her a little extra sumpin' special to take with her.
Anyway, so this shopping trip was all about The Girl and my friend Stormy. They both did well I think. I did get a new shirt though so I didn't come home with nothing. And some facial scrub from my favourite all natural place. And some new books.
Sat nite we got gussied up and went out to dinner. Stormy mentions it on her blog but as scrumptious as the Thai Chicken was, holy mother of god it was toxic coming out. I don't know how three such attractive babes as ourselves could smell so noxious. I was the first afflicted in the car on the way home. And they certainly had volume... and substance. "Oh it burns! It burns!" The Child had to run to the bathroom and stayed there for quite some time. Stormy even killed her dog. Really. Well okay the dog just ran and hid but I was concerned for her. I could see the toxic green cloud moving about the room taking out everything in it's path. "Light a match or a candle for god's sake! For the love of God DO SOMETHING!"
After we cleared the room and repressurized the atmosphere, we whipped out the year book and skipped down memory lane... with a couple glasses of wine. I haven't laughed like that in a LONG time. We had our own private 20 year reunion because apparently everyone else in our class assumed we were doing it again this year. We did our 10th, and did a DAMN good job if I do say so myself, and we toyed with the idea of doing the 20th but decided we just had too much on our plates and someone else could handle it this year. Well no one did. Morons. I'm starting to think we could throw together a late fall, one evening get together because I hate to see the 20 year mark go by with nothing. But Stormy and I will discuss that and decide.
Sunday morning we got up and went to Cora's for breakfast. Holy gluttony Batman what a feast. YUM YUM. Then we waddled out of there and went to Chapters. Love that place. There's nothing better on a Sunday afternoon than roaming around Chapters and grabbing a large vanilla latte on the way out. It's the closest thing to enlightment I've found yet.
We left The City much later than intended but really... now that I don't have a puppy to tend to (*moment of respectful silence*) what's the biggie? And in keeping with my true Sagittarius spontaniety, on the way home when I saw the sign for the local wildlife park I veered off onto the exit. The Child had fallen asleep in the car and she woke up in the parking lot, looked around and said 'This isn't home. Where are we?' "The wildlife park." The smile on her face was priceless. We had had a little spat before we left Stormy's house and I feel I overreacted a bit so this was my making it up to her. She loved it.
The ONLY bad thing about this weekend was the clothes shopping part. I certainly enjoyed it and loved it when The Child found the perfect skirt, the perfect shoes, etc etc... and got so excited... but for me... it got me a little depressed. Since I quit smoking there's been the inevitable weight gain I've been literally struggling with for months. I'm not whining or feeling sorry for myself... well maybe a little... but it's not like I've been sitting around doing nothing and whining about it. I've been working out 4-5 times a week for MONTHS and it's just now starting to budge. I am happy that at least it is starting to come back down... I guess I just want it to happen faster... even though I know enough about how this all works that it's just not gonna happen that way. And in the meantime it's been tough psychologically. I guess this is one of those big issues I took with me from school days. Even though I was far from obese, I was always pudgy and got teased for it in school so I've been quite sensitive about it all my life. I gained quite a bit after I stopped breast feeding The Child 12 years ago but I managed to lose it all and then some. It stayed off for a long time, right up until last year so it's pretty disheartening to see some of it pile back on within a year because I quit smoking. I should mention I'm in the 35-40 year range which certainly adds to the uphill battle.
Ah well. I'll just keep slogging away with weights and the treadmill and the laws of physics will demand some kind of results.
now playing: Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Friday, August 26, 2005
Don't Phunk With My Heart
First of all I'm gettin' real sick and tired of this layout. I'm probably gonna change it soon.
Next order of business.... you'll all be pleased to know Mr. Ass (he of the unsolicited Ass Shots) has graduated to Mr. Crotch Shot. Oh yes... it was like a bad case of deja vu. I put myself to Away to go grab a drink or check my pulse or something and when I came back what do I see? A lovely profile shot of this dude's package clad in stylish french cut LEOPARD PRINT underwear often seen in films with titles such as 'Debby Does Dallas' or ' Forrest Hump'. Yo Butthead! 1985 called ! They want their underwear back! Soooo anyway... what's even more astounding then the very notion that he thought after I came back to my computer and saw this vision of loveliness in front of me I might like to go out with him... what's even more baffling is that like I mentioned before, after I freaked out over the ass shots and didn't speak to him for months, WHAT part of his brain figured crotch shots would get him over that last hurtle with me?! He completely baffles me, he really does. So long story short (too late) after I let him know how mentally unbalanced I thought he was and I didn't want to talk to him anymore he was actually surprised and told ME to grow up. Really. Then he told me not to dare judge him by a few words and pictures exchanged on the internet. Ummm riiigghhhtttt. Try the Hot Pockets, they're fabulous. He even gave me his phone number and asked for mine. ahhh ahahahhah... HHAAHAAHAHAHA NEVER.
And continuuing with our Back From the Dead Theme I've had contact from two other guys I haven't spoken to in months, both within a day of each other. It's been bizarre. It's almost like they all know each other and they got together and decided to band together and mess with my mind. Isn't that a frightening thought.
Now one of them I always enjoyed talking to but I felt he had too much baggage to pursue, but I always liked talking to him. Just this past Wed as we were both bemoaning our lack of uh... a social life... ahem.. he started suggesting we should meet and 'take care' of each other. I let him go on for a few minutes and finally told him I was heading his way this weekend and while I won't have time to 'take care' of anybody, it would be nice to meet him and say hi. Suddenly his weekend was already pretty chock full of things to do. 'Magine that. I called him a chicken shit and the conversation died pretty quickly after that and I haven't seen him on line since. Apparently I called his bluff and he had nothing. All I'm asking is don't waste my time if all you're looking for is someone different to talk to from time to time, especially when you got my msn name from a DATING SITE. HELLO. It wasn't on Pen Pals 'R Us. And especially when you're being pretty straight forward about the 'taking care of business' thing. PUH-lease. Now he's the one that needs to grow up.
Now Candidate number 2 also lives in the same place as that other dude. We've been chatting again since last week I think. He pissed me off last year when after MONTHS of getting to know each other and putting it out on the table that we dug each other, one day he tells me he bought a motorbike and shortly after took a day trip to a town near here which meant he had to drive right smack through my town. Did he advise me he was coming through and did I want to meet up for a coffee? Nooooo. Did he ever take a day trip down to see me? Noooooo. It was one of those moments where I had to hold onto my pride and admit he just wasn't that into me. I told him I was kinda gagged that he never stopped in to see me, obviously never even thought of it and really never spoke to him again much after that. It died a quick death and in trying to keep with my new trimming the fat lifestyle, I took him off my msn list.
Now he's back out of the same blue all these other guys were hiding in too apparently but it's a year later. I also called his bluff and said 'hey, I'm coming to a town near you this weekend, what's so you stop over and say hi?' It was a bit dodgy for 10 or so minutes and I thought oh yeah, here we go again... and he said he had band practice first (what is it with me and these musicians?) and he wouldn't be done til 10. I said no problem, we'll be up. So he said sure and actually gave me his cell nmbr. No, I haven't tried it yet and I wouldn' t be a bit surprised if it either doesn't work or I get some poor deaf old lady, or the more likely scenario VOICE MAIL followed the next day by an excuse that his battery died or he left it home by mistake or any number of a hundred excuses.
I'm not a pessimist. Really. But I am a realist and I've been around this block a few times. There is something about coming out from behind the internet that scares some people. But like I've said before, if we have lots to talk about normally and you haven't lied about yourself, what's the problem? Maybe I'm just too harsh in judging and it's simply nerves. I can accept that. Not being afraid of much of anything sometimes I forget not everyone is Xena The Warrior Princess. And some people really just want someone to chat to to pass a long boring work day or a lonely evening at home. Maybe I don't float his boat in 'that way'. But be honest about it. Don't jerk me around.
So I am anxious to meet this dude, but I have no delusions of anything developing. Really I don't. For one thing he is kinda young, 10 years younger than me young. He seems mature for his age though or I wouldn't have kept talking to him all that time. But I won't be sitting around Sat evening with giggling school girl nerves. At this point he's an online bud I'm finally getting to meet.
But if I get 'taken care of' at some point in the near future because he's fallen madly in lust with me than who am I to crush a young man's heart and leave him a broken man who sits in his lazy boy all day long incapable of loving another because I not only broke his heart but crushed his spirit... nope ... I just couldn't be that cruel.
now playing: "Pon de Replay" - Rihanna
Next order of business.... you'll all be pleased to know Mr. Ass (he of the unsolicited Ass Shots) has graduated to Mr. Crotch Shot. Oh yes... it was like a bad case of deja vu. I put myself to Away to go grab a drink or check my pulse or something and when I came back what do I see? A lovely profile shot of this dude's package clad in stylish french cut LEOPARD PRINT underwear often seen in films with titles such as 'Debby Does Dallas' or ' Forrest Hump'. Yo Butthead! 1985 called ! They want their underwear back! Soooo anyway... what's even more astounding then the very notion that he thought after I came back to my computer and saw this vision of loveliness in front of me I might like to go out with him... what's even more baffling is that like I mentioned before, after I freaked out over the ass shots and didn't speak to him for months, WHAT part of his brain figured crotch shots would get him over that last hurtle with me?! He completely baffles me, he really does. So long story short (too late) after I let him know how mentally unbalanced I thought he was and I didn't want to talk to him anymore he was actually surprised and told ME to grow up. Really. Then he told me not to dare judge him by a few words and pictures exchanged on the internet. Ummm riiigghhhtttt. Try the Hot Pockets, they're fabulous. He even gave me his phone number and asked for mine. ahhh ahahahhah... HHAAHAAHAHAHA NEVER.
And continuuing with our Back From the Dead Theme I've had contact from two other guys I haven't spoken to in months, both within a day of each other. It's been bizarre. It's almost like they all know each other and they got together and decided to band together and mess with my mind. Isn't that a frightening thought.
Now one of them I always enjoyed talking to but I felt he had too much baggage to pursue, but I always liked talking to him. Just this past Wed as we were both bemoaning our lack of uh... a social life... ahem.. he started suggesting we should meet and 'take care' of each other. I let him go on for a few minutes and finally told him I was heading his way this weekend and while I won't have time to 'take care' of anybody, it would be nice to meet him and say hi. Suddenly his weekend was already pretty chock full of things to do. 'Magine that. I called him a chicken shit and the conversation died pretty quickly after that and I haven't seen him on line since. Apparently I called his bluff and he had nothing. All I'm asking is don't waste my time if all you're looking for is someone different to talk to from time to time, especially when you got my msn name from a DATING SITE. HELLO. It wasn't on Pen Pals 'R Us. And especially when you're being pretty straight forward about the 'taking care of business' thing. PUH-lease. Now he's the one that needs to grow up.
Now Candidate number 2 also lives in the same place as that other dude. We've been chatting again since last week I think. He pissed me off last year when after MONTHS of getting to know each other and putting it out on the table that we dug each other, one day he tells me he bought a motorbike and shortly after took a day trip to a town near here which meant he had to drive right smack through my town. Did he advise me he was coming through and did I want to meet up for a coffee? Nooooo. Did he ever take a day trip down to see me? Noooooo. It was one of those moments where I had to hold onto my pride and admit he just wasn't that into me. I told him I was kinda gagged that he never stopped in to see me, obviously never even thought of it and really never spoke to him again much after that. It died a quick death and in trying to keep with my new trimming the fat lifestyle, I took him off my msn list.
Now he's back out of the same blue all these other guys were hiding in too apparently but it's a year later. I also called his bluff and said 'hey, I'm coming to a town near you this weekend, what's so you stop over and say hi?' It was a bit dodgy for 10 or so minutes and I thought oh yeah, here we go again... and he said he had band practice first (what is it with me and these musicians?) and he wouldn't be done til 10. I said no problem, we'll be up. So he said sure and actually gave me his cell nmbr. No, I haven't tried it yet and I wouldn' t be a bit surprised if it either doesn't work or I get some poor deaf old lady, or the more likely scenario VOICE MAIL followed the next day by an excuse that his battery died or he left it home by mistake or any number of a hundred excuses.
I'm not a pessimist. Really. But I am a realist and I've been around this block a few times. There is something about coming out from behind the internet that scares some people. But like I've said before, if we have lots to talk about normally and you haven't lied about yourself, what's the problem? Maybe I'm just too harsh in judging and it's simply nerves. I can accept that. Not being afraid of much of anything sometimes I forget not everyone is Xena The Warrior Princess. And some people really just want someone to chat to to pass a long boring work day or a lonely evening at home. Maybe I don't float his boat in 'that way'. But be honest about it. Don't jerk me around.
So I am anxious to meet this dude, but I have no delusions of anything developing. Really I don't. For one thing he is kinda young, 10 years younger than me young. He seems mature for his age though or I wouldn't have kept talking to him all that time. But I won't be sitting around Sat evening with giggling school girl nerves. At this point he's an online bud I'm finally getting to meet.
But if I get 'taken care of' at some point in the near future because he's fallen madly in lust with me than who am I to crush a young man's heart and leave him a broken man who sits in his lazy boy all day long incapable of loving another because I not only broke his heart but crushed his spirit... nope ... I just couldn't be that cruel.
now playing: "Pon de Replay" - Rihanna
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Dawn of the Dead
I wasn't kidding about the Night of the Living Dead thing. Another one has managed to crawl back into my world.
The Ass Guy... the guy who sent me a picture of his bare ass on MSN then tried to deny it and say he didn't know what I was talking about because all he was doing was cleaning files out of his computer... *deep breath*... even though it was RIGHT THERE... anyway... I haven't talked to him in months after he went all 12 years old on me when I stopped flirting with him. So I sign in the other night, first time in weeks and he'd added me again. And because I just never learn the first time, I ok'd it.
He's right up there with 'Trevor' in the rat with the cheese experiment. If the surroundings and the behaviour don't change... WHY do they think the outcome will be any different?! Someone PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!!
*deep breath deep breath deep breath*
After some idle chit chat about the weather he asks if I'm still single... like he'd do every other time. Now normally you would think this would be followed by some offer of a get together. But of course not. So I call him on it and say 'you ask me that every single time we talk'. He says sorry, he won't do it again and follows it up with the reasoning that he just wants to know in case he decides he wants to ask me to get together sometime.
*crickets chirping... tumbleweeds tumbling...*
I say NOTHING. He says NOTHING. I sign off.
I debated asking him why he feels he needs to announce what he may do in the future, instead of just doing it. I fully realize WHY he does it, because he doesn't have the social skills necessary to ask a girl out and he's hoping I'll do the follow through. Uh uh. I'm so sorry. If you lack even the basic social graces you will not survive in my world. I am far from high maintenance but I do require to be treated in a certain manner. I am not one of those girls who will do all the work just because I'm so happy to have a man, any man. Phft. My man needs to be strong and confident and if you can't even manage to ask me out for coffee you're clearly lacking in both areas.
Instead of getting all up in his grill and asking why he thought being a wimp assed mutha fuckah was an attractive trait... hahhahah- sorry... just a second... hahahahahhaha... ahem... okay... where was I... wimp ass- right... so instead of asking him why he'd just announce he might do it in the future instead of just doing it, I stayed silent. A friend once accused me of being confrontational just for the sake of doing it. After I kicked him in the naughty bits and ran away I decided he was right so I now take a moment to decide if going all Courtney Love on my intended victim is really worth it. And in the sicko department, there are people out there that equate arguing with emotion. If you care enough to spend time arguing your point with them, they will take that as you care for them. It sounds twisted, but think about it.
I have chatted briefly with another guy I met on line who looks somewhat promising, but I haven't chatted with him long enough yet to say that with any certainty. I get good vibes from his profile though.
And as a sidenote, but worth noting... Queer As Folk ended last night. Damn I'm gonna miss that show. I started watching it for the hot naked guys, regardless if they were getting naked with each other, but got hooked very quickly on the show due to the quality writing and believable story lines and characters.
I still think 5 minutes with Brian Kinney and I could change his mind on that whole gay thing. If not who cares? I'd still have five smokin' hot minutes with Brain Kinney WOOHOO!
now playing: "It's Raining Men"
The Ass Guy... the guy who sent me a picture of his bare ass on MSN then tried to deny it and say he didn't know what I was talking about because all he was doing was cleaning files out of his computer... *deep breath*... even though it was RIGHT THERE... anyway... I haven't talked to him in months after he went all 12 years old on me when I stopped flirting with him. So I sign in the other night, first time in weeks and he'd added me again. And because I just never learn the first time, I ok'd it.
He's right up there with 'Trevor' in the rat with the cheese experiment. If the surroundings and the behaviour don't change... WHY do they think the outcome will be any different?! Someone PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!!
*deep breath deep breath deep breath*
After some idle chit chat about the weather he asks if I'm still single... like he'd do every other time. Now normally you would think this would be followed by some offer of a get together. But of course not. So I call him on it and say 'you ask me that every single time we talk'. He says sorry, he won't do it again and follows it up with the reasoning that he just wants to know in case he decides he wants to ask me to get together sometime.
*crickets chirping... tumbleweeds tumbling...*
I say NOTHING. He says NOTHING. I sign off.
I debated asking him why he feels he needs to announce what he may do in the future, instead of just doing it. I fully realize WHY he does it, because he doesn't have the social skills necessary to ask a girl out and he's hoping I'll do the follow through. Uh uh. I'm so sorry. If you lack even the basic social graces you will not survive in my world. I am far from high maintenance but I do require to be treated in a certain manner. I am not one of those girls who will do all the work just because I'm so happy to have a man, any man. Phft. My man needs to be strong and confident and if you can't even manage to ask me out for coffee you're clearly lacking in both areas.
Instead of getting all up in his grill and asking why he thought being a wimp assed mutha fuckah was an attractive trait... hahhahah- sorry... just a second... hahahahahhaha... ahem... okay... where was I... wimp ass- right... so instead of asking him why he'd just announce he might do it in the future instead of just doing it, I stayed silent. A friend once accused me of being confrontational just for the sake of doing it. After I kicked him in the naughty bits and ran away I decided he was right so I now take a moment to decide if going all Courtney Love on my intended victim is really worth it. And in the sicko department, there are people out there that equate arguing with emotion. If you care enough to spend time arguing your point with them, they will take that as you care for them. It sounds twisted, but think about it.
I have chatted briefly with another guy I met on line who looks somewhat promising, but I haven't chatted with him long enough yet to say that with any certainty. I get good vibes from his profile though.
And as a sidenote, but worth noting... Queer As Folk ended last night. Damn I'm gonna miss that show. I started watching it for the hot naked guys, regardless if they were getting naked with each other, but got hooked very quickly on the show due to the quality writing and believable story lines and characters.
I still think 5 minutes with Brian Kinney and I could change his mind on that whole gay thing. If not who cares? I'd still have five smokin' hot minutes with Brain Kinney WOOHOO!
now playing: "It's Raining Men"
Friday, August 05, 2005
Night of the Living Dead
Last weekend, the weekend of the music festival, my original plans fell through big time. At 8:30 that evening, I was showered and looking fine... then the phone call came and I had NO ONE to go with. I was somewhere between pissed and ready to run to my room crying. It had been so long since I've been out I was not a happy camper.
However, I took inspiration from another blog I read (waves at Hope) and I put on my big girl panties and went by myself. This is major for me. I have this thing about not going to things by myself. I'm sure this goes back to high school days (don't all our adult psychosis somehow stem from high school?). But this time I said to myself... Self (because that is my name), you're not going to sit home and sulk and wake up tomorrow and wish you went... so I sucked back 3 coolers and toddled off. (I figured I'd probably run into people I knew anyway so hold back presenting the purple heart this time.)
It was okay. There were SO many people there I was merely one small cell in the petri dish. I did run into a few people I knew but surprisingly not many. So I had a few more drinks and took my newfound courage up the street to the bar. I had a drink up there and again, not seeing anyone I knew decided I had enough and just as I turned to leave... like a bad fucking movie from the 50's I felt a hand on my arm and when I turned to see who had accosted me so and to tell him to "Unhand me sir!", it was one of my ex's who I'm sure I've mentioned here before. Yes, yes I have. He's the guy with one light bulb he'd move from room to room. We'll call him... Trevor.
Now I could go on and on and on about 'Trevor' because we had a thing that dragged on literally for years. I wanted him, he didn't want me; then when I decided I didn't want him anymore, then I can't get rid of him. He turned into a phuque buddy that just wouldn't go away. I gave him a few chances thinking he'd smarten up but after so many years and counselling from my best friend (what the fuck are you doing?! you're too good for that idiot! Jesus just DUMP him already! GAWD woman!) I saw the light and told him we just had different goals in life (*eye roll*) and it was time that we just move on with our lives.
Now what IS IT with guys that they hear the words coming out of our mouths but they figure if they just go away for a few months that maybe we'll just forget what we said, then they come back and act like nothing happened? I swear to christ 'Trevor' was spewing the exact same shit that's been coming out of his mouth since the day I met him. Every single time I see him he blathers on about how he's gonna 1) stop drinking 2) start saving his money 3)get back to the gym ... yadda... yadda... yadda. Then he'll start bringing up things from the past that he perceives as good times we had together. *yawn* I swear to god I never heard have the shit coming out of his mouth. I didn't need to. I've heard it all before. Repeatedly. If he really meant it he'd just do it instead of talking about it all the time. And yes, I've said that to him before too 'Well then why don't you just fucking DO IT?'
calming breaths... happy place happy place happy place...
So he's yapping on like a chihuahua on meth and I'm pretty much ignoring him really, then he asks where I'm going when I leave the bar. Home I 'magine. He suggests coming with me. Nooooo I don't think so Tim. Then he says and may buddha strike me dead if I'm lying 'Oh, you wanna pick up someone else?' I looked at him with The Face and said 'I dont' wanna pick up anyone.' This is another thing that always irritated me about him. Guys are pretty obsessed with sex as a general rule, but he takes the fucking cake. And he's not even any good at it. But I digress.
So I say no, I'm not looking to 'score' (*eye roll again*) and he says 'Oh, well you'll let me walk ya home though right?' and I start to laugh. Obviously he thinks everyone is as stupid as he is. I shake my head no, I dont' think so. He says 'What? I can walk ya home right?' like maybe I'll give him a different answer this time, and again I shake my head and say no, I don't think that's a very good idea (cause I'd never get rid of him) and he actually gets all huffy and I can't even remember what he said, but I think he said something about going to find someone else then and disappears through the crowd. Hahahah what a fucking maroon. All I could do is stand there and laugh.
And all of this occurred after when he asked if I was seeing someone, I said yes. That seems to be the line he won't cross, the one thing that keeps him away from me. But I decided to make it a good one and tell him he was married, just to see what kind of reaction I'd get. Mr "I'll Fuck Anything With a Pulse" actually asked me why I'd give myself to a man that wouldn't be there for me. I gave him The Look and said 'well, that's the pot calling the kettle black isn't it?' I don't even know if he understood.
I don't know why I let him irritate me so much. I dealt with him and dismissed of him easily enough but he just angers me so much cause he just doesn't get it. I don't know why this is important to me. It's not really. He means nothing to me anymore. I guess it's just beause I can't understand why he doesn't seem to get that his shot is LONG LONG gone and I'm SO tired of hearing all his woulda/coulda/shoulda. I think next time I see him I just need to tell him to go away that I don't want to talk to him. I don't like to do that, but I'm so tired of listening to his bullshit that it beats the alternative.
Thank you for listening.
However, I took inspiration from another blog I read (waves at Hope) and I put on my big girl panties and went by myself. This is major for me. I have this thing about not going to things by myself. I'm sure this goes back to high school days (don't all our adult psychosis somehow stem from high school?). But this time I said to myself... Self (because that is my name), you're not going to sit home and sulk and wake up tomorrow and wish you went... so I sucked back 3 coolers and toddled off. (I figured I'd probably run into people I knew anyway so hold back presenting the purple heart this time.)
It was okay. There were SO many people there I was merely one small cell in the petri dish. I did run into a few people I knew but surprisingly not many. So I had a few more drinks and took my newfound courage up the street to the bar. I had a drink up there and again, not seeing anyone I knew decided I had enough and just as I turned to leave... like a bad fucking movie from the 50's I felt a hand on my arm and when I turned to see who had accosted me so and to tell him to "Unhand me sir!", it was one of my ex's who I'm sure I've mentioned here before. Yes, yes I have. He's the guy with one light bulb he'd move from room to room. We'll call him... Trevor.
Now I could go on and on and on about 'Trevor' because we had a thing that dragged on literally for years. I wanted him, he didn't want me; then when I decided I didn't want him anymore, then I can't get rid of him. He turned into a phuque buddy that just wouldn't go away. I gave him a few chances thinking he'd smarten up but after so many years and counselling from my best friend (what the fuck are you doing?! you're too good for that idiot! Jesus just DUMP him already! GAWD woman!) I saw the light and told him we just had different goals in life (*eye roll*) and it was time that we just move on with our lives.
Now what IS IT with guys that they hear the words coming out of our mouths but they figure if they just go away for a few months that maybe we'll just forget what we said, then they come back and act like nothing happened? I swear to christ 'Trevor' was spewing the exact same shit that's been coming out of his mouth since the day I met him. Every single time I see him he blathers on about how he's gonna 1) stop drinking 2) start saving his money 3)get back to the gym ... yadda... yadda... yadda. Then he'll start bringing up things from the past that he perceives as good times we had together. *yawn* I swear to god I never heard have the shit coming out of his mouth. I didn't need to. I've heard it all before. Repeatedly. If he really meant it he'd just do it instead of talking about it all the time. And yes, I've said that to him before too 'Well then why don't you just fucking DO IT?'
calming breaths... happy place happy place happy place...
So he's yapping on like a chihuahua on meth and I'm pretty much ignoring him really, then he asks where I'm going when I leave the bar. Home I 'magine. He suggests coming with me. Nooooo I don't think so Tim. Then he says and may buddha strike me dead if I'm lying 'Oh, you wanna pick up someone else?' I looked at him with The Face and said 'I dont' wanna pick up anyone.' This is another thing that always irritated me about him. Guys are pretty obsessed with sex as a general rule, but he takes the fucking cake. And he's not even any good at it. But I digress.
So I say no, I'm not looking to 'score' (*eye roll again*) and he says 'Oh, well you'll let me walk ya home though right?' and I start to laugh. Obviously he thinks everyone is as stupid as he is. I shake my head no, I dont' think so. He says 'What? I can walk ya home right?' like maybe I'll give him a different answer this time, and again I shake my head and say no, I don't think that's a very good idea (cause I'd never get rid of him) and he actually gets all huffy and I can't even remember what he said, but I think he said something about going to find someone else then and disappears through the crowd. Hahahah what a fucking maroon. All I could do is stand there and laugh.
And all of this occurred after when he asked if I was seeing someone, I said yes. That seems to be the line he won't cross, the one thing that keeps him away from me. But I decided to make it a good one and tell him he was married, just to see what kind of reaction I'd get. Mr "I'll Fuck Anything With a Pulse" actually asked me why I'd give myself to a man that wouldn't be there for me. I gave him The Look and said 'well, that's the pot calling the kettle black isn't it?' I don't even know if he understood.
I don't know why I let him irritate me so much. I dealt with him and dismissed of him easily enough but he just angers me so much cause he just doesn't get it. I don't know why this is important to me. It's not really. He means nothing to me anymore. I guess it's just beause I can't understand why he doesn't seem to get that his shot is LONG LONG gone and I'm SO tired of hearing all his woulda/coulda/shoulda. I think next time I see him I just need to tell him to go away that I don't want to talk to him. I don't like to do that, but I'm so tired of listening to his bullshit that it beats the alternative.
Thank you for listening.
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