Head Meet Wall... Repeat

I've been ill the last couple days. Combination acid reflux and a lovely head/chest cold settling in. I never had such heartburn until I quit smoking. Someone please explain this to me. I was actually healthier before I quit smoking. Go figure.

ANYWAY... so boredom sets in and I toddle back to Lavalife to troll around and see who I can scare up to amuse me. A guy sends me a smile and I read his profile thinking well, he's not my usual fare but that's working real well for me (sarcasm) so at least we can have a chat and I can get a better idea what he's all about.

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Let me get this straight. I am a mother. I have one child. I do all the normal parental things with my child... HOWEVER... when I meet potential date material for the first time I do NOT go on and on and on about her. Please. To me this screams I HAVE NO LIFE OF MY OWN. Now before I get slammed for being a bad parent, any good parent will tell you you need to take time for yourself or you will lose your mind. It's just that simple. When we started talking about what we liked to do in our spare time it was all 'take the kids here' and do this with the kids... like okay I get it. I think that's what turned me off about him. If you're a parent it's pretty standard fare you do things with your kids, but he seems so gung ho in making sure I KNEW every spare minute of his life was devoted to being SUPER DAD. I'm sorry, I'm not interested in being Super Mom. I'm more concerned about being a good mother who has a small slice of her life left to herself. I have a friend who's life is totally devoted to her kids, cooking, cleaning blah blah blah and she's wound so tight you could stick coal up her ass and she'd shit diamonds. And they bicker all the time (her and hubby) and she complains alot. Whenever their family comes over you can feel the tension. She needs to go get drunk (and I suspect laid) or something.

Which brings me to another weird thing he said... I asked if he ever went out and he said if he lived in (a city close to this small town) he would go out more. I asked him why and he said because he's only been sperated a year and it's a small town, you always run into someone you know. I thought okay... his kids are 9 and 11 I think he said, and I'm thinking either you're a really idiotic drunk, or you're just weird because how are these kids gonna find out how you behaved at a bar? It's not like their friends would see him. And even if he was concerned about the whole idiotic drunk factor, just don't drink that much. So I said... so Dad's not allowed to have any fun then? And he said he guesses he's sheltering them a bit.

Oiy vey. And he even 'talked' (msn talk) odd. I don't know if he was trying to impress me or if he's like this all the time, which would be worse, but he was really stiff and articulate. He spoke to me like I was a business associate, not a chick he was trying to get to know. Now it's one thing to NOT sound like a tool that just fell off the turnip truck, but loosen the bone Wilma GAWD. Made me think he's overdoing it too much like he wants to make sure I know he knows big words. Guys raised in small communities with back woods reputations will do this. But most of us aren't going to judge you on where you were raised, but rather the person you've become. He also told me some of his musical favs are Il Divo, Three Tenors, etc etc. Yeah. Now Italian opera is fine quality music and I'm not judging his musical tastes, but COME ON! It was becoming clear to me that he really didn't read my profile very well. 'Camping is not really my thing. I'd rather grab a bottle of Absolut and go see a band, the louder the better'. Now... does this even remotely make me sound like I might be a patron of the arts?

And I saw his picture. Not ugly, but DEFINITELY nowhere NEAR my type. I like that whole pearl jam/rock dude with a brain thing. He looked like pudgy lumberjack. Not being judgemental, just painting a picture. I will admit I did hear 'Dueling Banjos' playing softly in the background however.

Now I'll admit I've been guilty of letting things drag on because I didn't know how to say 'you're nice and everything, but not my type. Good luck out there skippy'. Then I complain they won't leave me alone. So after about an hour of conversation last night, discussing pertinent things that there must be a commanality and finding none, we're signing off and he suggests another chat soon. I pull up my big girl panties and say "I'm sorry. I just don't think we have that much in common." I smile to myself, proud I've been able to cut this one off at the pass. Then he says he thought I was quiet (that should have been a hint skippy) and I haven't said enough for him to be able to agree or disagree.

Now the sassy mouthed beyotch in me wanted to say 'well it just doesn't matter if you agree with me or not fuck nuts, I didn't ask if you fucking AGREE with me now did I?' However... I kept thos big girl panties on and just said well what do you want to know? And ya know what he asks? What do I like to do for fun with my daughter.

So I indulge him a few more minutes of idle chit chat and as we're signing off he asks if I'd be willing to entertain another chat or do I think it's a lost cause... now I should have just said 'stick a fork in her skip, she's dead' but the nice person said if he wanted to chat that's fine but I sense a vast chasm between us. Yes, that's what I said. He said... good lord... he said he found that interesting and he was looking forward to exploring that in our next chat.

*eye roll*

I'm looking forward to asking him how many times he's been in the back of a cop car and who do you like better, The Distillers or Hole? And isn't Courtney Love the coolest! I wonder how many piercings & tattoos he has. Maybe we can compare.

Something tells me when I hit him with the specifics of just how wide and deep that chasm is, I think that might be the end of it. I'm actually looking forward to it. Gives me something to do to lighten the boredom.