Emotional Rescue

So apparently I had an emotional breakdown. It feels somewhat comforting to be diagnosed, to put a name on it, to identify the problem.

I kinda felt it at the time... I mean... I knew something was wrong but I just thought it was a whole bunch of things that have happened the past couple years that I of course locked away in a little metal box because I was just TOO BUSY TO DEAL WITH THEM NO GO AWAY. I just thought all these things had somehow escaped at once to attack me.
But one thing, one event set the ball in motion... picked at that one card on the bottom of the house of cards that was holding the whole thing gracefully aloft until they all just came crashing down.

Thanx T. You know what you did and I know that no matter what you tell yourself, that late at night when it's just you and your thoughts laying in bed in the dark that you think about what you did and I know ... because I know you ... that although you would NEVER admit it in a million years, you know what you did to me on purpose. You picked the one thing, my achilles heel and you slammed the proverbial arrow in there with your bare hands and laughed while you did it while turning an innocent face to your accuser and anyone else who looked at you for the first time as if you were someone different than who they thought they knew. No matter how innocent you try to appear, how many excuses you come up with... you can't take it back. I know your obsessive need to be liked and admired took a bit hit over that. For the first time you realized that people might actually be mad at you and you didn't like it. Way to sully your own reputation dumbass.

And of course everyone said 'why don't you just make up' blah blah blah. Their hearts are in the right place. But my point was... if someone who was one of your closest friends for over 20 years can one day just go into Mr. Hyde mode and pull a complete prick job, why would you want to put yourself in the position of risking them doing it to you again? If they didn't think enough of you after 20 years of friendship, what else are they capable of? No thank you.

ANYWAY... that manipulative cunt has to live with what she did while I trip along the High Road conscience clear. Sure I may have a few less friends... correction... one less friend, but as the old saying goes, with friends like that, who needs enemas- no... wait... that's not right...

And I think the emotional breakdown would have been a lot more fun with meds. Percocet is always a nice precursor to an unexplained crying jag. I had something the doc gave me after I quit smoking to take the edge off because I wasn't sleeping but they were like pez compared to the big boys. Sure they gave a nice little float but it was mild and it didn't last. Apparently they give it to recovering alcoholics during withdrawal. *snort*

I tried heroin once, by accident and to this day I still think about it. Opiates rawk man. Thank god I have a strong constitution and know better.

Anywho... I feel better these days, for the most part. I still have issues I'm trying to deal with and work through. I've thought about talking to a therapist and think it would probably do a world of good, but it's really hard to get in to see anyone around here. Luckily I have a friend who's willing to listen to my ramblings and tell me when I'm right and when I'm full of shit. Everyone needs a friend who's not scared to tell you what they REALLY think. I think it's an insult not to tell your friend what they think, especially if they ask. Obviously they want to know if they ask. But I get in trouble for it all the time, get accused of being 'rude'. People often confuse honesty with rudeness, if it's not something they want to hear.

Well if you don't want to know, don't fucking ask I say.