You're Ugly and Your Mother Dresses You Funny

While my new job unfortunately does not allow me to blog/email/surf anything I wouldn't want Big Brother to see during the day and tends to leave me brain dead in the evenings... plus The Sprog hogging the computer... I have been a dormant blogger for quite some time.

But that is all about to end this evening as I feel so insensed... so inflamed... so disgusted by something it has driven me to brush away the cobwebs and make my public outcry to denounce this vile epidemic sweeping the landscape. It offends me. It causes me to turn away in revulsion, bile rising in the back of my throat as I cringe and grimace at the very sight. It is wrong. Wrong like... like when that guy dug up body parts and built Frankenstein.

Crocs. *shudder*

That's right. I'll say it. I'll dare to be the person to stand up tall and proud and call them for what they are.

THEY ARE UGLY PEOPLE!! STOP WEARING THEM!!

You have been sucked in like a bug in an intake valve. $33 for rubber shoes?! Are you kidding me? And you're PAYING IT?!?! This is one of those times I think some designers (and I use that term loosely... mental patients more likely) got together and decided they'd try it again (after they did a trail run with wide leg pants in the 70s) , just to see how stupid people are. Let's make something really ugly but tout it as 'The Next Big Thing' and you're sssooooooooo not with it if you don't have it and let's see how many people go for it.

Then they lit the Bong and came up with 'Crocs' *shudder*

" But they're so comfortable...." my sister says. Yeah? Well so are polyester stretch pants but I don't see you getting around in those.

Listen to me people, if you're over the age of 12, the shoes look stupid. They're not cute on a 45 year old woman. They're cute on kids, but again- please refer to the age limit I have set forth. You look like a sheep following a trend, just another wanna be who got duped out of $35 for stupid looking shoes. If you wanna get them for mosing around the house or the garden of whatever, fine. Be my guest. But they should put little electric shockers on them so if you try to leave the boundaries of your personal property you get a nice little jolt to the soles of your feet to remind yourself you don't want to go out in public looking like AN IDIOT!!

And if that wasn't bad enough, now you can buy little plastic things to stick in the holes of these moron boots. Like, as if you didn't look retarded enough prancing around in your purple plastic shoes, now you're gonna shell out... what? I bet those little plastic dogs and cats and butterflies are $3 a pop? Am I close? WAKE UP AND SMELL THE RIP OFF PEOPLE.

Okay, I just need to calm down, shake it off. Where are my meds? I don't care what, just anything with 'phine' at the end of it will do.

What we need to do is bring all our troops back from AfghaniPakiRaq and use them to round up all these abhorrences of nature and burn them, bury them, nuke the hell out of them, shoot them into space. Or even better... maybe... send them to AfghaniPakiRaq and leave them laying around for the enemy to find. Drop a few pairs outside the caves and run. Bet it would make it much easier to spot them trying to hide behind a sand dune with those flourescent babies on. Let's see how much longer Bin Laden thinks he can hide in his stylin' lime green crocs with puppies and flowers in the holes. Am I right or am I right? Huh? huh?

If you own a pair of these monstrosities and decide to flame me, well... really... how serious do you think I'm gonna take a dressing down from someone who wears pink plastic shoes in public?


np- 'Faster Kill Pussycat" - Paul Oakenfield