Movin' On Up

I'm up I'm up I'm up.... gggzzzzzzz...

I'm falling into the trap where after I send the Sprog off to school, I've been going back to bed... and staying there much longer than I should. While this is of course oh so good at the time, it's screwing me up because I'm not tired at bed time, therefore I'm staying up WAY too late, we're talking 3am here, and what happens in the morning? You got it... back to bed we go. It's a vicious cycle and I'm trying to break it.

I need to get back to my usual pattern because I GOT A JOB!! Normally I might not be so excited because let's face it, jobs are an evil necessity, but in this case it's a brand new start for me because I'm moving. I was raised in this town, went to school in this town, got the fear of jesus in that small town (nudge nudge John Cougar), but I remember being able to hardly wait to leave here in High School, which I did. Then I came back. After a year I could hardly wait to leave here. Which I did. Then I came back. Two years later off I went again. It's like I have this love hate relationship with the place. On the whole it's not a bad place to live and has done nothing to me personally, but after some time passes it starts to feel very claustrophobic to me and I need to get out. It's one of the bigger towns in this province, as far as small towns go, but still not big enough for me.

I had been interviewed by a local agency who was looking for people and when she asked me how firm I was on moving the The City, how written in stone it was, I told her it was going to happen. I am leaving. The interview ended shortly after but I didn't like the vibe I was getting off her. She said a few things that raised some red flags with me too. I came home from that interview wondering if I should have just taken the job and bought myself some time, then decided no, everything was in place now. And the thought of staying here any longer makes my stomach ache.

I've done well this stint. I've stayed put 12 years, but most of that was for the Sprog, not me. Great place to raise kids as long as you make sure they know there's a whole big world out there they can explore and don't get stuck in that small town way of thinking. But I can't tell you how many times I've sat and stared out this window feeling trapped and depressed, tears trickling down my cheeks, literally watching my life go by full of days of nothingness. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, get up and do it again. And I tried to spice it up. I didn't just sit here feeling sorry for myself. That's not my thang. I reconnected with old friends. I signed up for classes and workshops and seminars attempting to find new niches of people to ingratiate myself to and while I did make some new acquaintances, I didn't succeed in making new friends, friends I could call up and say Hey, let's go to a movie. But I don't feel that's done yet. That's still an open chapter I feel. I've made new connections which will continue in the New Place. Once I get settled I'll reconnect with those people and see where that road goes. Little cryptic, sorry, but I feel that's going to go somewhere and when it does I'll fill in the blanks.

So for many, many reasons I'm so excited. My new job I believe will be basically a quarter of the work I have been doing, for more pay, which ... HEL-LO what's not great about that? I've had to give some things up, and I wrestled with that, but at the end of the day I decided the stress was going to kill me and it wasn't a bad thing. I will be giving up alot of people that have come to rely on me , people that are awaiting my phone call of where I've gone so they can continue to deal with me, and some of those people I am going to miss, others- not so much. But that was another thing I debated before I started the job hunt because I wanted and needed a fresh start.... do I tell these people and start hearing the same voices on the phone like nothing ever changed (cringe) or do I thank them for their many years and say good bye? In the end I decided to take them with me, thinking I'd need my client list to help me get a job and negotiate some decent pay, but in the end it didn't matter. Where I'm going to work already has an established client they do exclusively. And I can't honestly say I'm all that upset about it.

And finally, after many years me and Stormy get to hang out again. With the advent of email, I swear I talk to her more than my friends in the same town, and even though we're really not that far apart, with kids and animals and jobs and family things and lack of cash flow it was hard to get together. But whenever we did we've always had so much fun (I'm thinking of that picture of Brad in the Yearbook and you going 'aaaaaaa' with the hands and I hur t myself with the garumph) . Now we can just hang out and have coffee, go to a movie, or wander around the mall... or SUNDAY AFTERNOON AT CHAPTERS!!! WWHHHEEE!!! I think the Sprog is more excited at having Chapters at her beck and call than anything else in this endeavor. I said to her the other night that I was so excited for her, the opportunities that will be available to her... she just looked at me like yeah whatever... but I was having a moment and I wanted to share. She'll remember I said it sometime down the line and thank me. Hopefully.

So next Monday evening I arrive at Stormy's, and I start the new job Tuesday morning. That's going to be a little rough for the first bit. One advantage of small town life, it only takes you a few minutes to get to work. This will be an adjustment for me. But ya know, when I lived out West I was going to bed at 11, 12 at night and up early, no problem. That's something psychological with me. I guess when I'm happy where I am, physically and/or psychologically, I'm anxious to see a brand new day therefore I'll go to bed early and get up early.

Anyway... strayed a little bit there... so I'll crash at Stormy's during the week while I'm doing my training and looking for a place to live, leaving the Sprog to stay here and finish the last couple weeks of school. She keeps wailing that I'm 'leaving her, abandoning her...' yeah, no Drama Queen tendencies there. I'm only an hour 15 minutes away and I'll be home on the weekends. Originally I hoped to have my house rented by mid month but since everything was so tied up in getting a job and when that would start, I couldn't really do anything until I knew what would happen there. Now it looks like probably I'll have it available by end of December which could be a bad thing, renting wise, considering it's close to Christmas and all . But I'll try to remain optimistic there.

So lots of exciting news for a change. It's going to be hectic and I'm sure there will be stressful times in the next month, but I'm SO happy to be moving to the city it's all gravy to me at this point. When I moved back here with the bairn 12 years ago I said once she got old enough that I wasn't having a heart attack every time she went out the door I would move back to the city. Well, it's happening a few years earlier than I originally planned, but not a moment too soon to save what's left of my sanity.

I hesitate to say it too soon because they always seem to throw some monkey wrench into the plans, but thank you KG's, thank you.

np: " Pretty Vegas" - INXS