You're Ugly and Your Mother Dresses You Funny

While my new job unfortunately does not allow me to blog/email/surf anything I wouldn't want Big Brother to see during the day and tends to leave me brain dead in the evenings... plus The Sprog hogging the computer... I have been a dormant blogger for quite some time.

But that is all about to end this evening as I feel so insensed... so inflamed... so disgusted by something it has driven me to brush away the cobwebs and make my public outcry to denounce this vile epidemic sweeping the landscape. It offends me. It causes me to turn away in revulsion, bile rising in the back of my throat as I cringe and grimace at the very sight. It is wrong. Wrong like... like when that guy dug up body parts and built Frankenstein.

Crocs. *shudder*

That's right. I'll say it. I'll dare to be the person to stand up tall and proud and call them for what they are.

THEY ARE UGLY PEOPLE!! STOP WEARING THEM!!

You have been sucked in like a bug in an intake valve. $33 for rubber shoes?! Are you kidding me? And you're PAYING IT?!?! This is one of those times I think some designers (and I use that term loosely... mental patients more likely) got together and decided they'd try it again (after they did a trail run with wide leg pants in the 70s) , just to see how stupid people are. Let's make something really ugly but tout it as 'The Next Big Thing' and you're sssooooooooo not with it if you don't have it and let's see how many people go for it.

Then they lit the Bong and came up with 'Crocs' *shudder*

" But they're so comfortable...." my sister says. Yeah? Well so are polyester stretch pants but I don't see you getting around in those.

Listen to me people, if you're over the age of 12, the shoes look stupid. They're not cute on a 45 year old woman. They're cute on kids, but again- please refer to the age limit I have set forth. You look like a sheep following a trend, just another wanna be who got duped out of $35 for stupid looking shoes. If you wanna get them for mosing around the house or the garden of whatever, fine. Be my guest. But they should put little electric shockers on them so if you try to leave the boundaries of your personal property you get a nice little jolt to the soles of your feet to remind yourself you don't want to go out in public looking like AN IDIOT!!

And if that wasn't bad enough, now you can buy little plastic things to stick in the holes of these moron boots. Like, as if you didn't look retarded enough prancing around in your purple plastic shoes, now you're gonna shell out... what? I bet those little plastic dogs and cats and butterflies are $3 a pop? Am I close? WAKE UP AND SMELL THE RIP OFF PEOPLE.

Okay, I just need to calm down, shake it off. Where are my meds? I don't care what, just anything with 'phine' at the end of it will do.

What we need to do is bring all our troops back from AfghaniPakiRaq and use them to round up all these abhorrences of nature and burn them, bury them, nuke the hell out of them, shoot them into space. Or even better... maybe... send them to AfghaniPakiRaq and leave them laying around for the enemy to find. Drop a few pairs outside the caves and run. Bet it would make it much easier to spot them trying to hide behind a sand dune with those flourescent babies on. Let's see how much longer Bin Laden thinks he can hide in his stylin' lime green crocs with puppies and flowers in the holes. Am I right or am I right? Huh? huh?

If you own a pair of these monstrosities and decide to flame me, well... really... how serious do you think I'm gonna take a dressing down from someone who wears pink plastic shoes in public?


np- 'Faster Kill Pussycat" - Paul Oakenfield

Satanic Lemon

Until I manage to gather a few thoughts in a cohesive manner, please enjoy just another wild and weird thing I found out there in FreakLand.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=9508334956

Don't forget to read the comments. Priceless.

All Hail Beelzefruit!

Est que je peux une vanilla latte por favor?

Sometimes I feel like that poor stupid rat that gets zapped everytime it goes for the cheese, but just keeps doing it anyway.

I have a date next weekend. The plans are loose at this point but they do involve meeting up for coffee on Saturday. While so far he hasn't set off any of my mental red flags (other than that whole 'death metal' thing), past experience won't let me get too excited until I meet the dude face to face. And hear him speak. In full sentences. With no speech inpediment or words that make no sense. And odd nervous ticks count against him. Sorry- call me shallow. I don't care. But I dare any of you to tell me you honestly think a facial tick is sexy. Puhlease. While Terrets can be humourous, it's certainly not sexy.

But yeah, so as long as he is what I think he is, then just maybe I might actually get me some this decade.

And my house is rented! YAAAHHHH!!! Real estate dude came through for me! So now I'll have a little extra moola each month which I SHOULD be putting away... for... something... but for now I'm having too much fun shopping and drinking lattes and these things cost money dammit. I have a life now dammit and lives cost money dammit. I am just SOOOO unbelievably thrilled I don't have to make one more trip to New Cracker to clean out that house. It is finito and buddy moves in on Monday. A-fucking-men. I am now officially... a 'Landlord'. Fear me. Bow to me. Or not. Whatever.

I feel so relieved. I know there were SOME people who probably hoped things would not work out for me on this whole move, so to you I say NAH NAH NAH FUCKING NAH BITCH. I got a great job doing a quarter of the work I was doing before for more pay, I really like the apartment we moved into, my house is rented so there's a little extra money for me, and I live in the city. So please, continue to enjoy your stagnant little life in your stagnant little town while you hear through the grape vine how great I'm doing.

In reality I really should thank her for being such a cunt because in a way she was one of the contributing factors that pushed me to do what I wanted to do all along.

Yeah, maybe later.

np: (Good Riddance) Time of Your Life - Green Day (* I swear I'm not making it up. It just came on the radio. Talk about karma or what)

Snakes On a Plane

I read this tonight and felt myself laughing and giggly with anticipation.

This could (and probably will) end up being one of those craptacular displays of cinematic wanking that's so bad it's good... but the title ALONE... and maybe the fact that Samuel L "I'm a mushroom cloud laying mutha fuckah" Jackson is in it will make it this year's MUST SEE simply for the kitsch factor alone.

This has Mystery Science Theatre written ALL over it

Mark my mutha fuckin' words

http://hucksblog.blogspot.com/2005/08/snakes-on-motherfucking-plane.html

The Sun Also Rises

Ahhhh yes. Here I am once again.
I'm back.
Well I never really went far, just really busy with the move and had sporadic internet access. But we're all hooked up... dialed in... back in the loop as it were.

There's not much to tell, no real huge dramas to report. I got a new job in the city, spent a month of the work week in the City, weekend in Small Town, packing and learning a new job and trying to find a place to live. Gives me a headache just to think about it. But as a wise man once told me... How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time girl, one bite at a time.

So I'm almost to the ass end of the beast. We're moved into a nice apartment, good local, close to school yadda yadda yadda... really like my new job and coworkers - with a few exceptions but if everyone were pleasant and fun I'd have nothing to bitch about. I still am trying to rent out my house... which I thought I already had until I asked for a deposit then SOOPRISE! never heard from him again. Quelle surprise. A pox on him and his famille. I was really leary about him from the get go though so I think that worked out for the best. Gotta learn to trust the gut. So I've handed my domicile over to a realty agency that also handles leases. They advertise, do the viewings, interview the tenants... take care of all that legal mumbo jumbo I'm sure I would screw up and land in front of Judge Judy (eek!). I just *hope*hope*hope* they find me someone soon because although I have a cushion to carry me a month or two, rent and mortgage will eventually land me in a cardboard box, or eating Kraft Dinner every day. Ick.

Anyway... enough of that bollucks. I'm answering Stormy's tag on this one. I usually don't do these because I just can't be bothered sitting and thinking about the answers, but this one is short and sweet and pretty straight forward.

Four Jobs I've Had:
Cashier
Sales person in clothing store
Bussed tables (*shivers*)
Travel Agent

Four Places I've Lived
New Cracker
Halifax
Victoria
Dartmouth

Four Movies I Watch Over and Over
Twister
Colour Purple
Kundun
Harry Potter movies

Four Places I've Vacationed
(Only Four?! Sheesh... I'm a travel agent dammit. How bout my favourite four)
Spain
Seattle
Iceland
Morocco

Four Favorite Dishes
Lasagna
Breakfast at Cora's
Chicken Caesar salad
Chicken Stir Fry

Four Sites I Visit Daily
Hotmail (only during breaks... I got Big Brother breathing down my neck now)
Velvetrope
Lavalife... whhyyyy I have NO idea. Just can't seem to get out of there entirely
Some sort of work approved news site ie cbc.ca, msn.com

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now
Italy
Seattle
Sleeping
a hut on the beach in Tahiti

Four TV Shows I Love
Dead Like Me
My Name is Earl (Never underestimate 15 beers-HA! Gawd I love that show)
The Office
Miami Ink (Chris Nunez if you're reading this... baby call me... seriously... we could so totally hook up)

Anywayz.... more to follow. Working in a large office is certainly entertaining and I'm sure I'll have stories to share. I'm just getting to know the characters but already I can see the office goings on are certainly more interesting than what they're paying me to do.

np: The Faders 'No Sleep Tonight'

Forget the cake

Yes, well it is my birthday and here I am out whooping it up with all my friends.
Whoop.
Well, that was exhausting. I better get off to bed.

np: "Happy Birthday" - Concrete Blonde ... (and it goes a little something like this:)

well outside in the hall there's a cat fight
it's just after midnight.. I guess I'll be alright
laying out on the floor, drunk and poor
how much longer, how much more
well rock me to sleep... strong and deep
screaming cats they give me the creeps
but aside from all that I feel no pain
staring up at the ceiling stain

smoking out the window
feeling far away
news on the radio
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday

Movin' On Up

I'm up I'm up I'm up.... gggzzzzzzz...

I'm falling into the trap where after I send the Sprog off to school, I've been going back to bed... and staying there much longer than I should. While this is of course oh so good at the time, it's screwing me up because I'm not tired at bed time, therefore I'm staying up WAY too late, we're talking 3am here, and what happens in the morning? You got it... back to bed we go. It's a vicious cycle and I'm trying to break it.

I need to get back to my usual pattern because I GOT A JOB!! Normally I might not be so excited because let's face it, jobs are an evil necessity, but in this case it's a brand new start for me because I'm moving. I was raised in this town, went to school in this town, got the fear of jesus in that small town (nudge nudge John Cougar), but I remember being able to hardly wait to leave here in High School, which I did. Then I came back. After a year I could hardly wait to leave here. Which I did. Then I came back. Two years later off I went again. It's like I have this love hate relationship with the place. On the whole it's not a bad place to live and has done nothing to me personally, but after some time passes it starts to feel very claustrophobic to me and I need to get out. It's one of the bigger towns in this province, as far as small towns go, but still not big enough for me.

I had been interviewed by a local agency who was looking for people and when she asked me how firm I was on moving the The City, how written in stone it was, I told her it was going to happen. I am leaving. The interview ended shortly after but I didn't like the vibe I was getting off her. She said a few things that raised some red flags with me too. I came home from that interview wondering if I should have just taken the job and bought myself some time, then decided no, everything was in place now. And the thought of staying here any longer makes my stomach ache.

I've done well this stint. I've stayed put 12 years, but most of that was for the Sprog, not me. Great place to raise kids as long as you make sure they know there's a whole big world out there they can explore and don't get stuck in that small town way of thinking. But I can't tell you how many times I've sat and stared out this window feeling trapped and depressed, tears trickling down my cheeks, literally watching my life go by full of days of nothingness. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, get up and do it again. And I tried to spice it up. I didn't just sit here feeling sorry for myself. That's not my thang. I reconnected with old friends. I signed up for classes and workshops and seminars attempting to find new niches of people to ingratiate myself to and while I did make some new acquaintances, I didn't succeed in making new friends, friends I could call up and say Hey, let's go to a movie. But I don't feel that's done yet. That's still an open chapter I feel. I've made new connections which will continue in the New Place. Once I get settled I'll reconnect with those people and see where that road goes. Little cryptic, sorry, but I feel that's going to go somewhere and when it does I'll fill in the blanks.

So for many, many reasons I'm so excited. My new job I believe will be basically a quarter of the work I have been doing, for more pay, which ... HEL-LO what's not great about that? I've had to give some things up, and I wrestled with that, but at the end of the day I decided the stress was going to kill me and it wasn't a bad thing. I will be giving up alot of people that have come to rely on me , people that are awaiting my phone call of where I've gone so they can continue to deal with me, and some of those people I am going to miss, others- not so much. But that was another thing I debated before I started the job hunt because I wanted and needed a fresh start.... do I tell these people and start hearing the same voices on the phone like nothing ever changed (cringe) or do I thank them for their many years and say good bye? In the end I decided to take them with me, thinking I'd need my client list to help me get a job and negotiate some decent pay, but in the end it didn't matter. Where I'm going to work already has an established client they do exclusively. And I can't honestly say I'm all that upset about it.

And finally, after many years me and Stormy get to hang out again. With the advent of email, I swear I talk to her more than my friends in the same town, and even though we're really not that far apart, with kids and animals and jobs and family things and lack of cash flow it was hard to get together. But whenever we did we've always had so much fun (I'm thinking of that picture of Brad in the Yearbook and you going 'aaaaaaa' with the hands and I hur t myself with the garumph) . Now we can just hang out and have coffee, go to a movie, or wander around the mall... or SUNDAY AFTERNOON AT CHAPTERS!!! WWHHHEEE!!! I think the Sprog is more excited at having Chapters at her beck and call than anything else in this endeavor. I said to her the other night that I was so excited for her, the opportunities that will be available to her... she just looked at me like yeah whatever... but I was having a moment and I wanted to share. She'll remember I said it sometime down the line and thank me. Hopefully.

So next Monday evening I arrive at Stormy's, and I start the new job Tuesday morning. That's going to be a little rough for the first bit. One advantage of small town life, it only takes you a few minutes to get to work. This will be an adjustment for me. But ya know, when I lived out West I was going to bed at 11, 12 at night and up early, no problem. That's something psychological with me. I guess when I'm happy where I am, physically and/or psychologically, I'm anxious to see a brand new day therefore I'll go to bed early and get up early.

Anyway... strayed a little bit there... so I'll crash at Stormy's during the week while I'm doing my training and looking for a place to live, leaving the Sprog to stay here and finish the last couple weeks of school. She keeps wailing that I'm 'leaving her, abandoning her...' yeah, no Drama Queen tendencies there. I'm only an hour 15 minutes away and I'll be home on the weekends. Originally I hoped to have my house rented by mid month but since everything was so tied up in getting a job and when that would start, I couldn't really do anything until I knew what would happen there. Now it looks like probably I'll have it available by end of December which could be a bad thing, renting wise, considering it's close to Christmas and all . But I'll try to remain optimistic there.

So lots of exciting news for a change. It's going to be hectic and I'm sure there will be stressful times in the next month, but I'm SO happy to be moving to the city it's all gravy to me at this point. When I moved back here with the bairn 12 years ago I said once she got old enough that I wasn't having a heart attack every time she went out the door I would move back to the city. Well, it's happening a few years earlier than I originally planned, but not a moment too soon to save what's left of my sanity.

I hesitate to say it too soon because they always seem to throw some monkey wrench into the plans, but thank you KG's, thank you.

np: " Pretty Vegas" - INXS

Monday Wisdom

" Some people are the bowling ball... and some people are the pin. The question is Peanut, do ya wanna be the ball or the pin?"

Gawd I love Dead Like Me. Mandy Patinkin (sp?) is now my god. I shall pray to him and sacrifice shoes in his honor while I dance naked around a large fire.

Okay... sacrificing shoes is bit extreme.

So the unemployment thing is... going. I kinda zonked out on doing anything productive for say the last week or so, but I saw an ad today for a PRIMO job (benefits and NO WEEKENDS can I get a YEEHAW) and I know the manager, so provided the pay is there it sounds tasty. But it also served to kind of restart the engines that had stalled. Got me all excited again instead of just sitting around being overwhelmed.

Do you remember the movie Mr. Mom? Of course you do. Everybody remembers that movie. Okay, remember when he got laid off and ended up laying around the house, not doing much of anything, wearing the same clothes every day, making grilled cheese sandwiches with the same iron he's ironing clothes with... " This house is a mess Jack, YOU'RE a mess Jack!" with the beard and the flannel shirt he wore for like weeks?

" Mom... can we have real food for supper tonight? PLEASE?"

np: "Reason To Be Beautiful" - Hole

Will Work For Shoes

I may have to retitle this blog 'Diary of the Unemployed'.

Day 1:

Sent sprog off to school and sat on couch drinking Tim's and watched Hell Boy. It was okay. I give it 2 stars out of 5.
So then I showered and cleaned up and after lunch went to pick up Oochie's ashes from the vet. After a brief cry and a few pokes at the ziplock bag they had her in I went to the local 'spiritual' shop (aka witch store) to see if I could find a proper receptacle to keep her in. I didn't find anything today, but I did narrow it down to something Egyptian seeing as they worshipped cats and believed them to be escorts to the Underworld. I'm sure Miss Ooch would find that a most suitable resting place.
After leaving the witch shop with a few goodies I went to a drug store to poke around then did something so vile, so shocking my daughter would disown me if she found out. I went to KFC. *gasp!* Ever since she joined PETA we haven't been allowed to eat KFC. It's been well over a year, almost 2 years I think since I've had it. I enjoyed every succulent morsel and dispersed of all the damning evidence before she got home from school.

Day 2:

This was today, I think. I'm beginning to lose track of time already.
Today I didn't do so well. After sending Sprog off to school I sat/laid on the couch and flicked around vainly trying to find something suitable to watch. Daytime TV SUCKS. So I went to sleep for awhile and woke up sometime before lunch. Having no money to be deccadent I went for a walk and mopped the floor after lunch. Woo hoo. Hold me back. I'm a one woman party just waiting to explode. You better stand back.

Tommorrow sounds just as promising. I see a treadmill, some weights and possibly some cleaning on the agenda. Normally I wouldn't be so lazy, but I promised myself some downtime right after the work ended because I have been working my ass off without a half decent vacation in 18 months. This is long overdue. However it's only been two days and I'm already finding myself wandering restlessly around the house. Maybe if I had some money to go do things it wouldn't be so bad. Ahhh well. I'm trying to just go with the flow and do whatever comes to mind whether it's sleep or walk or mop the floor. This brief down time is all about me and I think I deserve it.

And on another note, two new (?) tv shows have got me hooked. Dead Like Me, which takes over the previous queen of Monday nites Queer As Folk, is absolutely fucking brilliant! That girl, whose name escapes me, there are just no words. " You, little dead girl, are gonna be a grim reaper..." She's droll and caustic... *sniff*... I feel like I know her personally. Fucking hilarious and thought provoking. I love it.

And "My Name is Earl"... ohmydog... LAUGH OUT LOUD hilarious. If you liked Raising Arizona, Fargo, movies of that ilk then you need to be watching My Name Is Earl. Don't ask me what night it's on cause I can't remember. I'm thinking Tuesday maybe. Do yourself a favour and find it and watch it cause it's definitely worth the 30 minutes.

I'm also kinda digging The Office but I have to wonder though... is it only funny to those of us who've worked in offices? Do say... folks that work in electronics at Walmart find it amusing too? The chick in the cosmetic department at Shoppers Drug mart, would she giggle? Maybe when I get a few extra bucks I'll order a pizza and ask the delivery guy what he thinks of it.

np: " I Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend"

Holy Demolition Batman

We're in the home stretch of getting this place mucked out and I'm tired. I didn't realize how long it's been since I'd been through some of these old files. I'm trying not to take too long strolling down memory lane looking at these files because we have to be out of here Monday, but looking at this stuff brings back memories of things long forgotten. And it also made me realize what an unbelievable packrat I am! YIKES!

I can hardly wait to get this finished. I just want to be done and be able to relax for a few days before I start the job hunt. A friend's band is playing at a local wantering hole tonight but as of this moment I'm thinking I'll have to pass. If I know I will come in here tomorrow I'll feel less stressed today. What does one have to do with the other you say? When I drink I get incredible hangovers so I know if I go out tonight I will imbibe and therefore tomorrow will be a write off. And besides, I don't think I have anyone to go with anyway. Yes, my life has become that pathetic, hence the burning desire to get things packed up, put away and moved to another place.

So I wish those boys that are supposed to be in here moving the big stuff would get their asses back here. They've moved two desks, two filing cabinets but they've been MIA for the last 45 minutes while I have two chairs and a box out on the street out front to hold the parking spot for the truck.

But on a slightly better note, I've gotten more into the Halloween spirit. I usually LOVE Halloween, and I still do, to the point I think it should be a national holiday, but this year I'm just not as fanatical about it. Probably all the general upheavel lately, plus the weather's not been cooperating either with all the rain and such. But last night I put some crosses in the yard, scattered some bones, wrapped a body in a sheet and laid a shovel nearby, splattered some blood around the scene and it feels a little more Halloweenish. I have NO idea about a costume though, which I usually have planned out by July. Halloween night I'll do something I'm sure, but I'm just not feeling the whole scaring the crap out of the kids mode I'm usually in. And believe me, I go WHOLE HOG with the fog machine, scary sounds CD blasting out the window, house in darkness and me dressed in full gothic horror opening the door yelling "WHAT DO YOU WANT! SPEAK OR BE BANISHED!" ahahhahahaahh good times good times.

np: "Bloodletting" - Concrete Blond

Let's Review

In the interest of chronicling my life so I may one day look back on it and chuckle... let's go back over the last 3 months or so.

My puppy dog has massive epileptic seizure he never comes out of and I must put him down.

A few months go by and all is okay... UNTIL... a few weeks ago when my boss tells me the business is closing.

OCH

After 12 years I am suddenly unemployed. While I am very upset this happened, there is a whole other part of me that is actually happy because I have been thinking of moving for the last year or so and now I realize I can. I have enough experience under my belt that I'm not concerned about finding another job and as proof, I've already been contacted by another company and I'm not even finished up here yet. So while I'm certainly sad to see a business fold that's lasted 20 years, and I'll miss my boss cause he was the best boss EVER... I am equally as excited to get out of this boring ass town and back to the city.

So we had the job thing... then... last Saturday we wake up to find my daughter's fish died. I feel badly for her. She cries, I console, we bury it, then she asks for a puppy.

But the worst of all... the absolute worst... one of my cats... mah baby... my soul mate in kat form... the ying to my human yang... is not looking so good. Granted my baby is 15 yrs old and has had a plethora of health problems over the years, to the point I've often reminded her when she's given me attitude that she better take that somewhere else for the amount of money I've spent on vet bills over the years. I had noticed she had started limping and was spending alot of time sleeping, so I kept a close eye on her and after a few days when she didn't appear to shake it off, I called the vet and off we went.

They kept her for 3 days and did what they could, but it wasn't enough. She wouldn't eat. All her muscles had deteriorated, she was anemic, she had ulcers in her mouth. When I went in this past Wed to see her and the vet took her to me I broke down as I hugged her. It was pretty obvious she had one foot in the grave. She looked so horrible. The pain was written all over her face and yet, when I hugged her and kissed her, she purred and meowed, obviously happy to see her momma. She leaned into me and tried to kiss me, but her mouth hurt so bad she couldn't stick her tongue out so she just touched her nose to my forehead to let me know she tried.

*heavy sigh*

The vet advised me they could treat her, but it would be merely maintainting her as she was, which there was no way I could make her go through that. He said I would never get her back to the way she was.

So with alot of tears and a heavy heart I did what I had to do for my baby. I stayed with her and hugged her and kissed her and gently, peacefully, released her from her pain. It was actually alot less traumatic than I thought it would be, and he didn't rush me out, letting me continue patting her and hugging her until I was ready to let her go.

There will never be another cat like Oochie. Yes, that's right... 'Oochie'... like hoochie, without the 'H'. It was a slang term I heard a looonnngg time ago when I first got her as a baby kitten only 2 or 3 months old. I said Hmmmm... Oochie... how do you like that name? And she looked at me, meowed and went back to what she was doing, so Oochie it was. Whenever someone would ask I would tell them it was old Native word meaning 'BitchCat'.

She was so close to human it was frightening. She had perfected the art of the dirty look to the point my sister was afraid of her. I had a bond with her like I've never had with any other animal. I'd talk to her and she'd answer with a combination of chirps and purrs and meows, or sighs if she found me particularly irritating that day. My father called her 'Itchy Bitchy' and the vet asked me one time why I even kept such a cranky cat to which I informed him 'Because I love her! She's mah baby!' Oochie never liked him. She saved her best dirty looks for him. He eventually warmed up to her but they definitely had a mutual hate for each other in the beginning.

But she loved her mama and always let me know. She'd sleep around the top of my head and purr me to sleep, and if I turned my head to face the other way she'd get up and turn around so she was near my face, not the back of my head. I drove her crazy one night turning back and forth just to see if she'd keep changing position. She did every time.

She drove across Canada with me when we moved to BC, and flew back home with me when it was time to return. You could open the car door and ask her if she wanted to go for a drive and she'd hop into the passenger seat, sit there primly and look at me like she was asking where we're off to now.

I'll never forget when we brought Cayman the puppy home. She looked at me as of to say 'What the HELL are you doing?!' Then she looked at him with obvious disgust, shot me another dirty look, sighed, then huffed and walked away like 'That's it man. I am outta here.'

When the movie Stuart Little came out everyone who saw it said Snowball reminded them of Oochie. I had taken to calling her Queen Oochifur over the years for her diva-like attitude.

So please, Karma Gods, I don't know if this is part of the Grand Plan and if I'll see the purpose for all this hopefully sooner rather than later, but NO MORE GOD DAMMIT!!! You crossed the line when you took my cat! I LOVED that cat! Okay granted she was 15 years old but STILL!!! I'm sure she would have lived forever if you hadn't intervened.

I miss mah baby. Alot. When everything felt like shit in a cesspool she was the one bright spot I could always count on. Unconditional love. There's nothing like a little lick on the end of the nose from your favourite furry friend when everything's falling down around you.

I'll see you again Miss Ooch and try not to kick the shit out of Cayman too bad while you wait for us. I'm sure there's rules about these things, even on the Other Side.

np: "Light Years" Pearl Jam

Shit ... meet fan

Well I can't say I wasn't forewarned.
I can't say I didn't see it coming.
I hoped it wouldn't. But of course my luck just isn't that good.
I was like the little dutch boy with his finger in the damn, trying vainly to stop that impending floodwaters from breaking through and drowning everything in it's path.
I've felt on the verge of something... something big for the past couple months. Right now I'm too stunned and heartbroken to figure out if this will be a good or bad thing. There is a part of me that's jumping up and down in glee, rejoicing that that I'm finally free from the shackles that held me bound to a life I was smothering in.
But another part of me... the part that just likes to coast and go with the flow is already popping tylenol and reaching for the wine.

*sigh*

I have options. I'm not concerned to the point I'm freaking out. I'm sad it came to this. It feels like a large part of my life has come to an end. Perhaps I'm overdramatizing but that's how I feel at this moment.

But that little guy that's jumping up and down inside me is asking if I'm fucking crazy... this is what I've been waiting for. Someone made the decision for me and I should be thrilled.

Maybe I will be in a few days, after the shock wears off. If it was just me I had to worry about I'd have been gone five minutes after the words were spoken, a big wave, a smile, an 'It's been a slice, catch ya on the flipside' as I walk out the door into the sunshine wondering what adventure awaits me now.

But it's not just me. Because I have been given the privledge of knowing what the Grand Plan is for me in my life, I know what I'm supposed to do now. But I'm overwhelmed with decisions. There are too many things to think about and it just makes my head hurt.

Where one door closes... another opens.

Someone remind me of this in a week or two.

Ominous

It's dark and raining and I've got heartburn at nine in the morning. This can't be good.

Can't find a betterman

Pearl Jam - 3rd row.

Life just doesn't get much better. Well, 3rd row CENTRE would have been absolutely divine, but I'm not really complaining. Next time.

The concert was SO awesome and would have been even if we weren't so close. They played for 2.5 hours. The last encore just went on and on and on, the band obviously feeling the love the audience was throwing at them. This is my 4th PJ concert but by FAR the best one yet. Something was missing from the other three. That raw energy, Ed just being in the moment pulling his shirt over his head or rolling around on the floor, leaning on Mike during a blistering solo, jumping up and down, he sang almost a whole song with a can of Keith's balanced on his head. That was something special to see. He was relaxed and happy and it clearly showed in the performance.

I can hardly wait to hear the bootleg of the show. I have the boots of the last two in Toronto I attended but I might have listened to each of them once. It's nice to have a momento, relive the show again, but this one I can guarantee will certainly get more play time.

np: Betterman

New Sensation

Nice going JD!
*high five*

At the risk of sounding like an old timer, I remember when this town was a few tumbleweeds shy of a ghost town. Right around the time I was in junior high in the later 70's every second business seemed boarded up and deserted. I recall hearing my parents talking about moving because my father's job was at risk. He ended up losing that position but they moved him around a bit so his job with the company stayed safe until he retired many years later. The town was depressed, the people were depressed, to my young eyes this town had one foot in the grave. Every one could hardly wait to graduate high school so we could get the hell out of here and go to university and start a new exciting life. When people asked where we were from, the answer was often mumbled and accompanied with an embarassed eye roll.

I'm not sure what turned around. I was too young to understand. We're a heavily industrial place with our factories and pulp mill, so I think it was one of the factories got a very lucrative contract the held well into the future that picked us up out of the mire and breathed some life back into the old gal. We've grown in leaps and bounds in just the last few years with the arrivals of more businesses and call centres. Economically we're actually getting somewhere, finally. It's still small town enough to be comfortable and easy going but big enough that we've got more resources here without having to go to The City for it. Still not enough for ME cause I'm a city girl at heart but I can see how much this place has grown. It's still the kind of place though when meeting someone for the first time, inevitably you get asked your father's name and what he did for a living. " Who's your father now?... Oh yes yes yes, now was he the railway guy or the auto parts guy?" Hahhaha I love it. If they knew your daddy and liked him, you're in.

When I had my daughter I moved home from the West Coast because I wanted her to have what I had growing up and I didn't want to have to worry about her every time she went out the door. This is a great place to raise kids... if you make sure they know there's a whole great big world out there to be explored and savoured.

One bad thing about small towns is small town thinking and small town attitudes. But thankfully this is another thing I can definitely see that has changed about us. The defeatist attitude that seemed so prevelant here for many many years seems to FINALLY be gone. In my opinion I think that's what almost killed us; this smothering sense of not being worthy. The Scottish hard working humility our ancestors brought over almost killed us. You don't flaunt your success. You don't flaunt your wealth. You keep your nose to the grindstone, have a pint after work and head home to supper and family. Frivolous pursuits were not looked upon favourably.

It's like our collective heads have lifted. We finally realize that we CAN be frivolous every now and again. We're certainly worthy enough and we have the talent, we have the drive. We're not just humble little hard workin' factory workers and church goers from Pictou County, Nova Scotia... we can be rock stars; we can be country stars. We have just as much right to stand on that stage with every one else and give it our best bloody shot.

When I think of the odds that George Canyon AND JD Fortune have BOTH captured worldwide attention within a year of each other... and they're both from little ole Pictou Co., Nova Scotia... and the two hockey players Colin White and John Sim both made it to the NHL... my heart swells with pride and alot of that pride is for Pictou Co for finally pulling it's collective head out of it's ass and taking a look around at the rest of the world and deciding we want a piece of the action. Granted it seems like we've gone for it with mucho gusto but BRAVO boys, BRAVO. We're making up for lost time world so WATCH OUT.

I joked to my dad this morning that we could become the next Seattle and my daughter in all her 12 year old wry wisdom said "But where would we put everyone? We've only got 3 motels."

Never thought you'd habit

I have made a new discovery today. It feels somewhat decadent and slightly rebellious getting a little wine buzz on a Monday night. Makes it feel like Friday. Only downer is I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll be Tuesday, which leaves 4 days til I can get a really good buzz on...which is kinda depressing.

Continuing on this 'discovery' theme... this past weekend I discovered a perscription for an anti-depressant in amongst my benzos and frilly under things. I really have NO idea where these came from. I looked at the label, I checked the date, clearly issued to me last Sept... except... I have NO memory of having been issued nor paying for this particular medication. I have googled it and it doesn't seem to hold any interest for me recreationally speaking. If I could at least catch a buzz every now and again I wouldn't be so concerned about finding unaccounted for drugs hidden amongst my unmentionables. But now that ya mention it... I'm kinda mystified.

Citalopram. If anyone can enlighten me I'm all ears. I thought about calling my doctor but the idea of a coversation that went something like this: "Yeah, hi... I found some pills in my drawer and I have no idea why I have them. Can you tell me... Why do I have them? What are they for? Can I catch a buzz from these?" Yeah, me and my doctor just don't have that kinda report. In fact he'd probably advise I come in and ask me to pee in a bottle... just a routine check up of course.

So I need to investigate further. If these are simply 'mood altering'... meh... out they go. I'm not depressed. Moody and irritable sometimes, but not depressed. But even in those spare times when I am down in the dumps I do my best creative work so I go with the flow. I don't want to be synthetically happy. Which is why I can't understand why I would spend good money on something like that. HOWEVER... if I was led to believe these little white pills had other more desirable qualities... this is a horse of a different colour.

I can't believe I wrote a whole post on a bottle of mystery pills I found in my underwear drawer. In the interest of protecting my facade of sanity and intellect I should delete this, but I've had just enough wine that I think it'll be pretty funny in the morning.

now playing: "Life Despite God" -Courtney Love

Thoughts arrive like butterflies

Just thought I'd give a little update so y'all wouldn't think I fell into a black hole in cyber space.

There's really nothing new. Just working, eating, working out, sleeping, get up and do it all over again. The Girl is off to school and settled in. First year of Junior High don cha know. She was pretty nervous the weeks leading up to it but after the first DAY she told me she loved it so much she didn't want to see the weekend come.

ARUH?!

I knew she'd like it. She loves new oppurtunities, welcomes change and sees it as necessary so we don't fall into a coma of boredom. She's like me that way. When things start feeling stagnant where I feel I am running through my life on auto-pilot I'll do something, ANYTHING to change things up whether it's new shoes or clothes or even a lipgloss if I'm particularly broke, to heading out of town for a day or two or chopping my hair off. And when I say off, I mean a couple inches. Took me too long to grow this bad boy to just hack it off with careless abandon. But never say never. But I'm more likely to just change colours.

But that's all frivolous girly stuff, but I'm sure they know where I'm coming from with that.

Since this Blawg was basically set up to chronicle my horrors in singledom I should mention what's new on that front.

NADA.

I'm kinda in a 'fuck off' mode as far as men are concerned. I haven't spoken to the dude I was supposed to meet the other weekend at Stormy's place other than a couple lines on msn. He explained that a stag party broke out at the last minute which is why he couldn't make it over.

*smacks lips and cocks a brow*

Yeah. Well while I certainly understand how a party can suddenly erupt without warning, I don't think it's out of line to expect a two minute phone call explaining something came up and you won't be able to keep the aforementioned appointment. In fact, I demand common courtesy. It's all part of being respectful. If I don't rate a quick phone call, you don't rate the time of day from me so shove off little boy. Call me when you grow up and join the human race.

Okay maybe that was a bit harsh, especially considering I had no romantic delusions about developing any type of stable relationship with a man-child who lives a hundred miles away and is 10 years my junior. Although I was willing to explore... my options... and whatever else... came up.

But I digress.

Manners. I expect the same from my family and friends so he's certainly not unique having earned my ire for his lack of consideration. I am as modern as I am old fashioned and I see nothing outdated about treating people with respect, treating others as you would like them to treat you.

So fuck off moron. I'm sure you and your motorbike will be very happy together. Assclown.

Ahhh. That felt good. Did I mention I was as immature as I am mature?

So that's pretty much about it for me lately. Nuttin' new. Going back to see Stormy next week and I can hardly wait. No kid this time. Going to see Pearl Jam. Can hardly WAIT. Just me and her, some babes to entertain us and shopping to boot. Life just doesn't get much better. Okay, well I'm sure there are a few things I could throw in there to perk it up but I'm in a good mood and don't want to depress myself.

now playing: the radio. ick.

You make big time magic fun!

We had big time fun this weekend.

We arrived in the City in one piece and hit the local mega Shop Til You Drop plex. Woohoo! The Girl is going to Junior High this fall and since she's a smidge on the insecure side... nothing that needs therapy, pretty much just regular kid insecurity... I thought it would help to get her new clothes in 'The City'. Kinda give her a little extra sumpin' special to take with her.

Anyway, so this shopping trip was all about The Girl and my friend Stormy. They both did well I think. I did get a new shirt though so I didn't come home with nothing. And some facial scrub from my favourite all natural place. And some new books.

Sat nite we got gussied up and went out to dinner. Stormy mentions it on her blog but as scrumptious as the Thai Chicken was, holy mother of god it was toxic coming out. I don't know how three such attractive babes as ourselves could smell so noxious. I was the first afflicted in the car on the way home. And they certainly had volume... and substance. "Oh it burns! It burns!" The Child had to run to the bathroom and stayed there for quite some time. Stormy even killed her dog. Really. Well okay the dog just ran and hid but I was concerned for her. I could see the toxic green cloud moving about the room taking out everything in it's path. "Light a match or a candle for god's sake! For the love of God DO SOMETHING!"

After we cleared the room and repressurized the atmosphere, we whipped out the year book and skipped down memory lane... with a couple glasses of wine. I haven't laughed like that in a LONG time. We had our own private 20 year reunion because apparently everyone else in our class assumed we were doing it again this year. We did our 10th, and did a DAMN good job if I do say so myself, and we toyed with the idea of doing the 20th but decided we just had too much on our plates and someone else could handle it this year. Well no one did. Morons. I'm starting to think we could throw together a late fall, one evening get together because I hate to see the 20 year mark go by with nothing. But Stormy and I will discuss that and decide.

Sunday morning we got up and went to Cora's for breakfast. Holy gluttony Batman what a feast. YUM YUM. Then we waddled out of there and went to Chapters. Love that place. There's nothing better on a Sunday afternoon than roaming around Chapters and grabbing a large vanilla latte on the way out. It's the closest thing to enlightment I've found yet.

We left The City much later than intended but really... now that I don't have a puppy to tend to (*moment of respectful silence*) what's the biggie? And in keeping with my true Sagittarius spontaniety, on the way home when I saw the sign for the local wildlife park I veered off onto the exit. The Child had fallen asleep in the car and she woke up in the parking lot, looked around and said 'This isn't home. Where are we?' "The wildlife park." The smile on her face was priceless. We had had a little spat before we left Stormy's house and I feel I overreacted a bit so this was my making it up to her. She loved it.

The ONLY bad thing about this weekend was the clothes shopping part. I certainly enjoyed it and loved it when The Child found the perfect skirt, the perfect shoes, etc etc... and got so excited... but for me... it got me a little depressed. Since I quit smoking there's been the inevitable weight gain I've been literally struggling with for months. I'm not whining or feeling sorry for myself... well maybe a little... but it's not like I've been sitting around doing nothing and whining about it. I've been working out 4-5 times a week for MONTHS and it's just now starting to budge. I am happy that at least it is starting to come back down... I guess I just want it to happen faster... even though I know enough about how this all works that it's just not gonna happen that way. And in the meantime it's been tough psychologically. I guess this is one of those big issues I took with me from school days. Even though I was far from obese, I was always pudgy and got teased for it in school so I've been quite sensitive about it all my life. I gained quite a bit after I stopped breast feeding The Child 12 years ago but I managed to lose it all and then some. It stayed off for a long time, right up until last year so it's pretty disheartening to see some of it pile back on within a year because I quit smoking. I should mention I'm in the 35-40 year range which certainly adds to the uphill battle.

Ah well. I'll just keep slogging away with weights and the treadmill and the laws of physics will demand some kind of results.

now playing: Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls

Don't Phunk With My Heart

First of all I'm gettin' real sick and tired of this layout. I'm probably gonna change it soon.

Next order of business.... you'll all be pleased to know Mr. Ass (he of the unsolicited Ass Shots) has graduated to Mr. Crotch Shot. Oh yes... it was like a bad case of deja vu. I put myself to Away to go grab a drink or check my pulse or something and when I came back what do I see? A lovely profile shot of this dude's package clad in stylish french cut LEOPARD PRINT underwear often seen in films with titles such as 'Debby Does Dallas' or ' Forrest Hump'. Yo Butthead! 1985 called ! They want their underwear back! Soooo anyway... what's even more astounding then the very notion that he thought after I came back to my computer and saw this vision of loveliness in front of me I might like to go out with him... what's even more baffling is that like I mentioned before, after I freaked out over the ass shots and didn't speak to him for months, WHAT part of his brain figured crotch shots would get him over that last hurtle with me?! He completely baffles me, he really does. So long story short (too late) after I let him know how mentally unbalanced I thought he was and I didn't want to talk to him anymore he was actually surprised and told ME to grow up. Really. Then he told me not to dare judge him by a few words and pictures exchanged on the internet. Ummm riiigghhhtttt. Try the Hot Pockets, they're fabulous. He even gave me his phone number and asked for mine. ahhh ahahahhah... HHAAHAAHAHAHA NEVER.

And continuuing with our Back From the Dead Theme I've had contact from two other guys I haven't spoken to in months, both within a day of each other. It's been bizarre. It's almost like they all know each other and they got together and decided to band together and mess with my mind. Isn't that a frightening thought.

Now one of them I always enjoyed talking to but I felt he had too much baggage to pursue, but I always liked talking to him. Just this past Wed as we were both bemoaning our lack of uh... a social life... ahem.. he started suggesting we should meet and 'take care' of each other. I let him go on for a few minutes and finally told him I was heading his way this weekend and while I won't have time to 'take care' of anybody, it would be nice to meet him and say hi. Suddenly his weekend was already pretty chock full of things to do. 'Magine that. I called him a chicken shit and the conversation died pretty quickly after that and I haven't seen him on line since. Apparently I called his bluff and he had nothing. All I'm asking is don't waste my time if all you're looking for is someone different to talk to from time to time, especially when you got my msn name from a DATING SITE. HELLO. It wasn't on Pen Pals 'R Us. And especially when you're being pretty straight forward about the 'taking care of business' thing. PUH-lease. Now he's the one that needs to grow up.

Now Candidate number 2 also lives in the same place as that other dude. We've been chatting again since last week I think. He pissed me off last year when after MONTHS of getting to know each other and putting it out on the table that we dug each other, one day he tells me he bought a motorbike and shortly after took a day trip to a town near here which meant he had to drive right smack through my town. Did he advise me he was coming through and did I want to meet up for a coffee? Nooooo. Did he ever take a day trip down to see me? Noooooo. It was one of those moments where I had to hold onto my pride and admit he just wasn't that into me. I told him I was kinda gagged that he never stopped in to see me, obviously never even thought of it and really never spoke to him again much after that. It died a quick death and in trying to keep with my new trimming the fat lifestyle, I took him off my msn list.

Now he's back out of the same blue all these other guys were hiding in too apparently but it's a year later. I also called his bluff and said 'hey, I'm coming to a town near you this weekend, what's so you stop over and say hi?' It was a bit dodgy for 10 or so minutes and I thought oh yeah, here we go again... and he said he had band practice first (what is it with me and these musicians?) and he wouldn't be done til 10. I said no problem, we'll be up. So he said sure and actually gave me his cell nmbr. No, I haven't tried it yet and I wouldn' t be a bit surprised if it either doesn't work or I get some poor deaf old lady, or the more likely scenario VOICE MAIL followed the next day by an excuse that his battery died or he left it home by mistake or any number of a hundred excuses.

I'm not a pessimist. Really. But I am a realist and I've been around this block a few times. There is something about coming out from behind the internet that scares some people. But like I've said before, if we have lots to talk about normally and you haven't lied about yourself, what's the problem? Maybe I'm just too harsh in judging and it's simply nerves. I can accept that. Not being afraid of much of anything sometimes I forget not everyone is Xena The Warrior Princess. And some people really just want someone to chat to to pass a long boring work day or a lonely evening at home. Maybe I don't float his boat in 'that way'. But be honest about it. Don't jerk me around.

So I am anxious to meet this dude, but I have no delusions of anything developing. Really I don't. For one thing he is kinda young, 10 years younger than me young. He seems mature for his age though or I wouldn't have kept talking to him all that time. But I won't be sitting around Sat evening with giggling school girl nerves. At this point he's an online bud I'm finally getting to meet.

But if I get 'taken care of' at some point in the near future because he's fallen madly in lust with me than who am I to crush a young man's heart and leave him a broken man who sits in his lazy boy all day long incapable of loving another because I not only broke his heart but crushed his spirit... nope ... I just couldn't be that cruel.

now playing: "Pon de Replay" - Rihanna

Dawn of the Dead

I wasn't kidding about the Night of the Living Dead thing. Another one has managed to crawl back into my world.

The Ass Guy... the guy who sent me a picture of his bare ass on MSN then tried to deny it and say he didn't know what I was talking about because all he was doing was cleaning files out of his computer... *deep breath*... even though it was RIGHT THERE... anyway... I haven't talked to him in months after he went all 12 years old on me when I stopped flirting with him. So I sign in the other night, first time in weeks and he'd added me again. And because I just never learn the first time, I ok'd it.

He's right up there with 'Trevor' in the rat with the cheese experiment. If the surroundings and the behaviour don't change... WHY do they think the outcome will be any different?! Someone PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!!

*deep breath deep breath deep breath*

After some idle chit chat about the weather he asks if I'm still single... like he'd do every other time. Now normally you would think this would be followed by some offer of a get together. But of course not. So I call him on it and say 'you ask me that every single time we talk'. He says sorry, he won't do it again and follows it up with the reasoning that he just wants to know in case he decides he wants to ask me to get together sometime.

*crickets chirping... tumbleweeds tumbling...*

I say NOTHING. He says NOTHING. I sign off.

I debated asking him why he feels he needs to announce what he may do in the future, instead of just doing it. I fully realize WHY he does it, because he doesn't have the social skills necessary to ask a girl out and he's hoping I'll do the follow through. Uh uh. I'm so sorry. If you lack even the basic social graces you will not survive in my world. I am far from high maintenance but I do require to be treated in a certain manner. I am not one of those girls who will do all the work just because I'm so happy to have a man, any man. Phft. My man needs to be strong and confident and if you can't even manage to ask me out for coffee you're clearly lacking in both areas.

Instead of getting all up in his grill and asking why he thought being a wimp assed mutha fuckah was an attractive trait... hahhahah- sorry... just a second... hahahahahhaha... ahem... okay... where was I... wimp ass- right... so instead of asking him why he'd just announce he might do it in the future instead of just doing it, I stayed silent. A friend once accused me of being confrontational just for the sake of doing it. After I kicked him in the naughty bits and ran away I decided he was right so I now take a moment to decide if going all Courtney Love on my intended victim is really worth it. And in the sicko department, there are people out there that equate arguing with emotion. If you care enough to spend time arguing your point with them, they will take that as you care for them. It sounds twisted, but think about it.

I have chatted briefly with another guy I met on line who looks somewhat promising, but I haven't chatted with him long enough yet to say that with any certainty. I get good vibes from his profile though.

And as a sidenote, but worth noting... Queer As Folk ended last night. Damn I'm gonna miss that show. I started watching it for the hot naked guys, regardless if they were getting naked with each other, but got hooked very quickly on the show due to the quality writing and believable story lines and characters.

I still think 5 minutes with Brian Kinney and I could change his mind on that whole gay thing. If not who cares? I'd still have five smokin' hot minutes with Brain Kinney WOOHOO!

now playing: "It's Raining Men"