Those two- Lee and Anne Marie, the New York couple from the Eharmony commercials are really getting on my fucking nerves. It was cute the first couple times, but after I see them professing their love to each other for the 999th time I want to find them and tell them to SHUT THE FUCK UP!! WE DON'T CARE!!
So I rejoined Curves last year and while I knew it wasn't the most strenuous workout, I needed to get back into the routine of working out again but I had lost my mojo somewhere along the way. I figured if I was paying to go, I would go. And I did. From Jan til about mid November I was pretty consistent going 3- 5 days per week most of the time. And I felt better, definitely had more energy. No more napping on the couch after supper. I lost a few inches here and there but nothing major. I had hoped for more but realistically the Curves workout doesn't produce buff bods. And I got really tired of the same bad karaoke reproduction music and the same people who seem more interested in going there to socialize then workout, to the point where the person on duty would turn the music down so they could talk. ARGH.
So then my buddy looks into this awesome corporate deal she can get at a local gym chain and it extends to family. Well... since we consider ourselves 'soul sistahs' and we're pretty sure we saw a clause in there that counts that as family, we sign me up too. I was a bit timid at first- having never been to a REAL and co-ed gym, but after a couple weeks of getting used to the layout and the equipment I got over any feelings of ineptitude and was jamming on the elliptical with the rest of them.
So my bud is telling about these spin classes she was taking and how great of a workout they are. I had heard of them and thought it looked fun, so after a couple of months I figure I'm ready to tackle that.
I don't think anybody... is EVER fully ready for a Spin Class. And I know, cause I googled it. Athletes that bike for miles, aerobic queens, weight lifters- it's all the same story. They took it to shake up their workout and end up nearly passing out and/or puking, barely able to walk afterward, in pain for days afterward. About 10 minutes in I thought I had bitten off more than I can chew but I hung in there and did the best I could. At the end of the 40 minute session when I got off the bike my legs buckled. I didn't go down thank god but they were wobbly all the way home... and my quads still hurt today, 4 days later. Mostly just when I stand or sit, anything that engages those particular muscles, which makes it interesting when I have to go to the bathroom. I really liked the class actually, but if this is the kinda pain I'm in for, forget it. I know it'll get easier the more I do it but I live on the 3rd floor of a building with no elevator. I'm just not that much of a masochist. Although since I'm out of a job as of the end of next week, I'll have all kinds of time to sit around and recover should I chose to tempt fate and try it again.
Yeessss.... I'm out of work once again. Never thought it would happen twice in my lifetime but times are definitely tough out there. 87 of us got notice on 10Mar the office was closing 27Mar. How fucking wonderful. I loved working there, most of us did and the afternoon they broke the news most people spent it sitting around talking and crying. We are getting a decent severance- 8 weeks salary and another chunk out of the goodness of their hearts which basically amounts to another month salary for me, different amounts depending on how long you worked there. Plus they set us up with career counsellors and workshops to help us in our job hunts. So I'll take advantage of these resources, take a few weeks of doing not much but trying to work on this fabulous book idea I had and helping get my daughter back to school (anxiety issues- that's a whole other story) and see what pops up. I have a line on something coming up with another company and I know a few other people are heading there, and I probably will too, but I know they're not the greatest people to work for and they don't have the best reputation for keeping promises to their employees. But at least it's something for now and who knows... maybe it'll work out for me. Maybe not, but at least I'd be going in with my eyes wide open.
And I can probably use all that upcoming free time to update more blog more often ;)
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Sunday, September 21, 2008
When what you fear the most meets you halfway...
It’s a gorgeous day out there today near as I can tell. The sun is shining with the proverbial ‘not a cloud in the sky’ sky. Hopefully its an omen of good things to come. Not that things have been bad... just sort of staid is all.
And in the ‘it never rains but it pours category’... around the end of July my eyes started to bother me. Itchy, watery- I thought it was just allergies. But it seemed to get progressively worse until I woke up one Sat morning and my eyes were so swollen and red and... crusty... ick.... that I could barely open them. Luckily my eye doc is right down the street and she squeezed me in. The diagnosis was Pink Eye.... PINK EYE?? I was so grossed out. There’s such a stigma attached to that particular diagnosis I felt dirty. The treatment was fairly simple. She gave me some drops to take every 3 hours and sent me on my way, rescheduling a recheck in a few days. But it also vamped up my OCD a notch, like I needed THAT. So now I have hand sanitzer everywhere and I try to cover my hands with my sleeves before touching public doors and so forth, and if I can’t I won’t touch my face until I can wash my hands.
So a week.. ten days... later I get the all clear. Eagerly pop in brand new contacts and make an appt to get new glasses because mine had to be at least 10 years old. But then... a few days later... familiar sensations are returning... what... how.... god damn its back. Off to the doc I go again to confirm its flared up again. But how? HOW? Then something occurred to me... without even thinking I do believe I used the same mascara..... ooopppsssss.... So I bought some cheap make up to use until I was all clear... then tossed that and started with new brushes and mascara, etc. It killed me to have to throw out a pot of MAC Fluidline only a few months old, but I’d rather just have to plunk down $18 for a new one and $12 for a brush then have to toss out ANOTHER set of contacts and go through that grossness again.
So my eyes are all wonderful again and I have a fabulous new pair of glasses that look like they were created in this century. But.... isn’t there always a but... while I was dealing with my eyeballs... sometime back in March I began to have some discomfort in the back of my mouth from a tooth on the top. Nothing major at the time... but like my eyes... it got progressively worse to the point that around the same time I was dealing with the eye problem I would have these random unbelievable pains shooting from it that would stop just as quickly as they’d start. And as if that wasn’t enough... I have a tooth on the other side on the bottom that had a piece break off about 8 years ago and had been fixed twice after the repair had broken about a year or so later. I called it my Bionic Tooth because my dentist basically used filling to rebuild it back up to what it was so it was half silver. He wanted to do a Crown but my insurance wouldn’t cover it so we went this route. He had warned me at the time he didn’t know if it would hold but it did all these years.... until I got a cavity in between the good part and the filling part. It wasn’t hurting me at all but the crevasse was getting bigger and I could feel little pieces of the good part breaking off. Eventually it got to the point that I could feel the silver part lifting up and I knew there wasn’t much left holding it in and I couldn’t chew anything on that side. And then... and THEN a piece broke off the upper back tooth, leaving a really sharp dagger that rubbed against my cheek and that was it. I couldn’t put it off anymore. I had a very small area left to chew my food and I knew once my daughter asked if we could go have Chinese food and I said No all because I was afraid to eat it... well... once you start messing with my food.... well that’s it.
So I drove everyone at work crazy asking who their dentist was, did they like them, and what about the pain... I finally settled on a place and made an appt.
Its not that I was necessarily afraid of the dentist because I loved my last dentist... literally (snicker). But when I first went to him for the aforementioned broken tooth the very first time I admitted I had been avoiding the dentist for a very long time due to fear from a previous barbaric dentist as a child. Don’t get me wrong- the man was sweet... and everyone went to him... but lets face it, dentistry 30 years ago was something you lost sleep over. So I admitted I was quite afeared. But he was a brand new dentist right out of school with all the latest tricks at his disposal so the procedure was painless. Luckily my teeth weren’t in that bad of shape- two small cavities and a root canal and I was all fixed up. Even after the root canal, which I had cancelled twice before I finally went through with it... when he announced he was done 15 minutes later I said ‘That’s it?!" and he said Ayup. I said ‘No way! Gimme another one!" Then he told me to get out of his chair.
So I tried to keep my mind off it as much as possible and kept telling myself there was no point because it had to be done. My teeth were messed up and needed to be fixed. So yesterday off I trotted to my brand new dentist, praying to the gods of such things to please be kind. So after he had a looky see and took an xray he gave me the news I was dreading to hear but had a feeling was exactly what was going to happen which is why I was avoiding going... the teeth couldn’t be saved. They had to come out.
But oddly enough... I kind of went... eeeeeehhhhh... but I don’t remember feeling sick or nervous. I felt more of that previous in the week just thinking of going. But now that I was there it was more resolve that this is what had to be done and I think I was more anxious to get it over with so I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. So I asked him when we could get this over with... and he said I could name the place and the time... and I’m thinking, this is my worst effng nightmare... I won’t sleep thinking about it... so I asked him if we could do it today and he said absolutely. I felt so relieved and he looked happy I decided to just go for it. I told him I just wanted to get it over with and he agreed that was the best thing.
He knew I was nervous and him and his assistant were great. He made sure I was good and frozen, even having to give me a few more shots in the back one because it didn’t seem to want to freeze. That one came out relatively easily, just as he said it would, and the second one he had to drill through to basically split it in two because there wasn’t much left to grab onto. I got a few zings from hitting the nerve and for the first time I actually smelled smoke during the drilling... that was odd. And speaking of odd... they have tv’s in the ceilings and they put it on for me and we decided on Dumb and Dumber and in the middle of him yanking on my tooth one of them makes a boobie joke and I start laughing, which makes the dentist and his assistant laugh.
So its all over and done with and most of my face is frozen and packed with gauze and I’m sitting there feeling relieved and happy and really pretty proud of myself for being a brave little soldier. I have a pretty high pain tolerance... thank god... so I’m not much afraid of most things... but the thought of having sharp things in my mouth sends me over the edge.
But honestly.... after that... hahahh I really can’t see there’s anything left for me to be afraid of. He said the rest of my teeth are still in pretty good shape so two teeth going at the same time was just a coincidence and not indicative of some larger problem going on he suspected might be the cause.
PHEW.
Np- "Love Remains the Same" – Gavin Rossdale
And in the ‘it never rains but it pours category’... around the end of July my eyes started to bother me. Itchy, watery- I thought it was just allergies. But it seemed to get progressively worse until I woke up one Sat morning and my eyes were so swollen and red and... crusty... ick.... that I could barely open them. Luckily my eye doc is right down the street and she squeezed me in. The diagnosis was Pink Eye.... PINK EYE?? I was so grossed out. There’s such a stigma attached to that particular diagnosis I felt dirty. The treatment was fairly simple. She gave me some drops to take every 3 hours and sent me on my way, rescheduling a recheck in a few days. But it also vamped up my OCD a notch, like I needed THAT. So now I have hand sanitzer everywhere and I try to cover my hands with my sleeves before touching public doors and so forth, and if I can’t I won’t touch my face until I can wash my hands.
So a week.. ten days... later I get the all clear. Eagerly pop in brand new contacts and make an appt to get new glasses because mine had to be at least 10 years old. But then... a few days later... familiar sensations are returning... what... how.... god damn its back. Off to the doc I go again to confirm its flared up again. But how? HOW? Then something occurred to me... without even thinking I do believe I used the same mascara..... ooopppsssss.... So I bought some cheap make up to use until I was all clear... then tossed that and started with new brushes and mascara, etc. It killed me to have to throw out a pot of MAC Fluidline only a few months old, but I’d rather just have to plunk down $18 for a new one and $12 for a brush then have to toss out ANOTHER set of contacts and go through that grossness again.
So my eyes are all wonderful again and I have a fabulous new pair of glasses that look like they were created in this century. But.... isn’t there always a but... while I was dealing with my eyeballs... sometime back in March I began to have some discomfort in the back of my mouth from a tooth on the top. Nothing major at the time... but like my eyes... it got progressively worse to the point that around the same time I was dealing with the eye problem I would have these random unbelievable pains shooting from it that would stop just as quickly as they’d start. And as if that wasn’t enough... I have a tooth on the other side on the bottom that had a piece break off about 8 years ago and had been fixed twice after the repair had broken about a year or so later. I called it my Bionic Tooth because my dentist basically used filling to rebuild it back up to what it was so it was half silver. He wanted to do a Crown but my insurance wouldn’t cover it so we went this route. He had warned me at the time he didn’t know if it would hold but it did all these years.... until I got a cavity in between the good part and the filling part. It wasn’t hurting me at all but the crevasse was getting bigger and I could feel little pieces of the good part breaking off. Eventually it got to the point that I could feel the silver part lifting up and I knew there wasn’t much left holding it in and I couldn’t chew anything on that side. And then... and THEN a piece broke off the upper back tooth, leaving a really sharp dagger that rubbed against my cheek and that was it. I couldn’t put it off anymore. I had a very small area left to chew my food and I knew once my daughter asked if we could go have Chinese food and I said No all because I was afraid to eat it... well... once you start messing with my food.... well that’s it.
So I drove everyone at work crazy asking who their dentist was, did they like them, and what about the pain... I finally settled on a place and made an appt.
Its not that I was necessarily afraid of the dentist because I loved my last dentist... literally (snicker). But when I first went to him for the aforementioned broken tooth the very first time I admitted I had been avoiding the dentist for a very long time due to fear from a previous barbaric dentist as a child. Don’t get me wrong- the man was sweet... and everyone went to him... but lets face it, dentistry 30 years ago was something you lost sleep over. So I admitted I was quite afeared. But he was a brand new dentist right out of school with all the latest tricks at his disposal so the procedure was painless. Luckily my teeth weren’t in that bad of shape- two small cavities and a root canal and I was all fixed up. Even after the root canal, which I had cancelled twice before I finally went through with it... when he announced he was done 15 minutes later I said ‘That’s it?!" and he said Ayup. I said ‘No way! Gimme another one!" Then he told me to get out of his chair.
So I tried to keep my mind off it as much as possible and kept telling myself there was no point because it had to be done. My teeth were messed up and needed to be fixed. So yesterday off I trotted to my brand new dentist, praying to the gods of such things to please be kind. So after he had a looky see and took an xray he gave me the news I was dreading to hear but had a feeling was exactly what was going to happen which is why I was avoiding going... the teeth couldn’t be saved. They had to come out.
But oddly enough... I kind of went... eeeeeehhhhh... but I don’t remember feeling sick or nervous. I felt more of that previous in the week just thinking of going. But now that I was there it was more resolve that this is what had to be done and I think I was more anxious to get it over with so I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. So I asked him when we could get this over with... and he said I could name the place and the time... and I’m thinking, this is my worst effng nightmare... I won’t sleep thinking about it... so I asked him if we could do it today and he said absolutely. I felt so relieved and he looked happy I decided to just go for it. I told him I just wanted to get it over with and he agreed that was the best thing.
He knew I was nervous and him and his assistant were great. He made sure I was good and frozen, even having to give me a few more shots in the back one because it didn’t seem to want to freeze. That one came out relatively easily, just as he said it would, and the second one he had to drill through to basically split it in two because there wasn’t much left to grab onto. I got a few zings from hitting the nerve and for the first time I actually smelled smoke during the drilling... that was odd. And speaking of odd... they have tv’s in the ceilings and they put it on for me and we decided on Dumb and Dumber and in the middle of him yanking on my tooth one of them makes a boobie joke and I start laughing, which makes the dentist and his assistant laugh.
So its all over and done with and most of my face is frozen and packed with gauze and I’m sitting there feeling relieved and happy and really pretty proud of myself for being a brave little soldier. I have a pretty high pain tolerance... thank god... so I’m not much afraid of most things... but the thought of having sharp things in my mouth sends me over the edge.
But honestly.... after that... hahahh I really can’t see there’s anything left for me to be afraid of. He said the rest of my teeth are still in pretty good shape so two teeth going at the same time was just a coincidence and not indicative of some larger problem going on he suspected might be the cause.
PHEW.
Np- "Love Remains the Same" – Gavin Rossdale
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I'm Baaacccckkkkkk...
Blows the dust off...
CoughCoughAcccCHOOO!
Hello? Hellleewwww.... is this thing on?
Yes yes I know. Where have I been?
I did trail off on the posting for a bit... my last rant in regards to the dreaded ‘croc’ phenomenon that seemed to take over the earth for a time. Hopefully the scourge has been chased back to the depths of hell where it belongs. However I won’t hold my breath for the one at least for the time being. It is winter after all so they could just be hibernating.
No... I hadn’t really gone anywhere. Sadly my life took a turn for the mundane. Not necessarily boring as I always seem to be off somewhere doing something as evidenced by the messages on my voice from various friends and family members giving me shit for never being home. Just not anything worth blogging about really.
I did have lots of thoughts and ponderances but one day I just decided I wanted to keep those to myself. I didn’t feel like sharing what I was thinking. I do that sometimes. Okay, I do that alot. And I know that’s not healthy for me because when I keep things to myself they tend to mutate and evolve into something something really weird and twisted and sometimes even ugly. But as soon as I open up and discuss its like it never was and I feel much better.
Sometimes I like to be selfish with my thoughts... and sometimes I just like to hold onto them until I can process them myself without outside intervention, then I let it out and open the floor to discussion once I have had time to examine it in private first.
So not only that... but I think my Sprog discovered my blog and that did a much quicker job of cutting off the flow of information much faster than any irrational fear of being psychoanalyzed by people who don’t know shit from shinola.
But lately I have missed writing on my Blawg and I think it was watching Diablo whats-her-face on Oprah, the former stripper who wrote Juno (fan-TAS-TIC movie by the way- go Ellen!), telling her story of how Juno came about. Apparently she was (probably still is) a blogger and one of her constant readers suggested she write a screen play. Which she did. Which he liked. And thus begat ‘Juno’.
And holy tropical storms Batman, I’m surprised we still have power the way the wind and rain is beating against my windows.
I can feel the hinges on my writing chops rusting up and that cannot be allowed to happen. I participated in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month- write a 50,000 word novel in one month) in November. Despite my most valiant efforts I didn’t make the 50,000 work mark, however I came up with a story I really like, reached a respectable 30,000 words and realized with a little discipline I can get back on track. I think I need to find a happy medium there though because last time I was writing on a regular basis I was whipping off 6-10 pages a night. But those were the days when my child went to bed at 9pm on my command. Now she’s a –gasp- teenager and things just aren’t that simple anymore. Be that as it may, I should still dedicate 2 or 3 nites a week to hitting the keyboard for something more productive than Scrabulous or Facebook stalking.
So I am back now I guess. I do find lots of thoughts hit me on the bus commute to and from work each day... gotta start remembering to write those down. If I can’t seem to churn out the great novel that will be the start of my elustrious career... heh... I will at least keep the wheels greased and moving along with a Blawg post now and again.
CoughCoughAcccCHOOO!
Hello? Hellleewwww.... is this thing on?
Yes yes I know. Where have I been?
I did trail off on the posting for a bit... my last rant in regards to the dreaded ‘croc’ phenomenon that seemed to take over the earth for a time. Hopefully the scourge has been chased back to the depths of hell where it belongs. However I won’t hold my breath for the one at least for the time being. It is winter after all so they could just be hibernating.
No... I hadn’t really gone anywhere. Sadly my life took a turn for the mundane. Not necessarily boring as I always seem to be off somewhere doing something as evidenced by the messages on my voice from various friends and family members giving me shit for never being home. Just not anything worth blogging about really.
I did have lots of thoughts and ponderances but one day I just decided I wanted to keep those to myself. I didn’t feel like sharing what I was thinking. I do that sometimes. Okay, I do that alot. And I know that’s not healthy for me because when I keep things to myself they tend to mutate and evolve into something something really weird and twisted and sometimes even ugly. But as soon as I open up and discuss its like it never was and I feel much better.
Sometimes I like to be selfish with my thoughts... and sometimes I just like to hold onto them until I can process them myself without outside intervention, then I let it out and open the floor to discussion once I have had time to examine it in private first.
So not only that... but I think my Sprog discovered my blog and that did a much quicker job of cutting off the flow of information much faster than any irrational fear of being psychoanalyzed by people who don’t know shit from shinola.
But lately I have missed writing on my Blawg and I think it was watching Diablo whats-her-face on Oprah, the former stripper who wrote Juno (fan-TAS-TIC movie by the way- go Ellen!), telling her story of how Juno came about. Apparently she was (probably still is) a blogger and one of her constant readers suggested she write a screen play. Which she did. Which he liked. And thus begat ‘Juno’.
And holy tropical storms Batman, I’m surprised we still have power the way the wind and rain is beating against my windows.
I can feel the hinges on my writing chops rusting up and that cannot be allowed to happen. I participated in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month- write a 50,000 word novel in one month) in November. Despite my most valiant efforts I didn’t make the 50,000 work mark, however I came up with a story I really like, reached a respectable 30,000 words and realized with a little discipline I can get back on track. I think I need to find a happy medium there though because last time I was writing on a regular basis I was whipping off 6-10 pages a night. But those were the days when my child went to bed at 9pm on my command. Now she’s a –gasp- teenager and things just aren’t that simple anymore. Be that as it may, I should still dedicate 2 or 3 nites a week to hitting the keyboard for something more productive than Scrabulous or Facebook stalking.
So I am back now I guess. I do find lots of thoughts hit me on the bus commute to and from work each day... gotta start remembering to write those down. If I can’t seem to churn out the great novel that will be the start of my elustrious career... heh... I will at least keep the wheels greased and moving along with a Blawg post now and again.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Loosen Up My Buttons
Wow... it's dusty in here... *cough cough*....
So my blogging went by the wayside for a number of reasons; lack of time being a major factor, but at some point the Sprog discovered I had a blog and made it her mission to go find it. Being the smart cookie she is, she did. I realized at that point I needed the relative anonymity to be able to post from the heart, which was kinda the point of this for me. I realized I wasn't doing this for anyone other than myself which was the purpose in the beginning, but nice to know it stayed that way.
But it's also made me feel like I'm talking to myself sometimes. Oh well. I seem to have a reputation for doing that anyway. At least there's less arguing that way.
So I'm going to look into seeing if I can move the whole shebang under a new url. Any suggestions on how to do that are welcome.
In the meantime I can certainly throw some stuff out there that won't traumatize her should she decide to come back here before I get it moved.
Year 1 in the Big City has been pretty good, all things considered. Hit a number of financial snags that have pretty much wiped out the savings account; bad tenants in the house that cost me money, then no tenants for a couple months; many, MANY car repairs .... yup, that pretty much caused the bulk of the financial suckage. January promises to ease the burden and just in the nick of time as I'm down to the last $50 in my savings account. I'll be getting rent this month, GST cheque comes end of the week, work bonus comes in Feb and Income tax shortly thereafter so the coffers will be filled back up soon enough. It's just a little nerve wracking in the meantime.
Sadly there have been no great adventures, romances, significant events associated with the move to the city... however, I feel my mental health has improved exponentially. I remember somewhere around April, May of this past year sitting on the bus on the way home, looking out the window watching the scenery pass and the oddest feeling came over me. I stared blankly out the window and slowly realized at that particular moment absolutely nothing was bothering me, upsetting me, worrying me... nothing. And it was at that moment that it occurred to me how long it had been since I'd been 'happy'. Not to sound like a dime store novel but it felt foreign and new to have that feeling again, and somewhat disturbing to realize how long it had been since the last time I had been 'happy'. And I could probably put a date on it. Jan 25, 2001. That was the day my mom got sick and everything has pretty much spiraled down from that point. Not everything stemmed from that... perhaps it did... I dunno... but looking back now that just seemed to be the point of no return.
But I don't want to talk about all that today. I think I've finally... FINALLY... dealt with the last five years of all encompassing shit. I still harbour some resentments but hey, I ain't perfect. If I didn't hold on to some of it I wouldn't be on top of my game when the day of reckoning is at hand.
So what else... oh yeah dating... phft.... met a few guys and had set up two dates, one back in the spring and one not so long ago and neither of them came to fruition. One came as close as to me almost getting stood up. Luckily I checked my email to discover he had gotten called into work. Really don't think I buy that load of bologna and I haven't talked to him since. I think he just chickened out at the last minute, which I almost did too, but instead of apologizing later he never spoke to me again. Yeah whatever assclown. Your loss honey.
But in another extremely interesting twist... I have mentioned 'MF' a few times, my 'married friend' .... well guess what... Put away the mittens and gloves, Hell DID freeze over boys and girls because he is now "SF", my Seperated soon-to-be-divorced friend. And yes, I am all OVER that. And have been. Tee hee.
I thought about it long and hard (snicker) because he is still back in Castle Rock. I even told him he has the WORST timing ever. But the last 12 years (according to him it's been 12 years) of flirt but don't touch, countless close calls have come to an end. And in all honesty when he told me the news I thought oh crap... and I really didn't know where that came from until the other night when I was going back through this blog and found a conversation I had with myself about how I enjoyed being the object of someone's lust and maybe it was better to not destroy the fantasy he had in his head. Apparently in my wisdom of over a year ago I told him I had just become a habit now and the fantasy was undoubtedly far better than the reality and he should thank me for not ruining that for him.
But apparently after a few Schmirnoff Ice all bets are off. Fantasy schmatasy this girl got NEEDS man!! ahahahahhahah I'm such a tool. And... *bites nail* it wasn't as ... explosive as I thought it would be after 12 years of foreplay. Nerves, and perhaps one cooler too many played a part in that. But I definitely had fun and don't regret a second of it. And it will happen again.
And lord above wasn't it heavenly to go out with a man who picked me up, took me out, didn't ignore me until it was time to leave. He introduced me to EVERYONE he knew, which is alot of people, I can't even remember half of them. He sat close, subtle touches that made me warm and fuzzy, held my hand going through the crowd... and then.... and THEN... he took me Xmas shopping the next day (I had shit to finish) and carried all my bags for me all afternoon. That was more than I expected.
But alas, the reality, because there's always an ugly reality is he's there and I'm here and I thought it was far too early to have a discussion on exactly what the hell we're doing here. However at some point, and soon, it must be done because I value his friendship and we need to be on the same page to avoid hurt feelings... mainly mine probably. He IS just out of a marriage so maybe he's not ready to jump into a relationship, and a long distance one at that. But there have been some promising text msgs and I'll admit sometimes I expect too much so I'm trying not to get too unreasonable. And I'll be the first to admit I'm a bit of a game player, but if I like you you'll know it. I'm just trying to guage if you like me back and just how much.
So I'll just coast on that for a bit and see where it goes. But if I sense it's going in the direction that it's going to adversely affect our friendship than ... well ya know... our friendship was based on his obsession with me so ya know. whatever. I dunno.
And the Sprog is moping around here being her usual miserable 13 yr old self so my concentration is off. And speaking of.... I wasn't supposed to post anything that would traumatize her was I.... oooopppsss.
np: "Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off"- Panic at the Disco (they really need to condense those song titles)
So my blogging went by the wayside for a number of reasons; lack of time being a major factor, but at some point the Sprog discovered I had a blog and made it her mission to go find it. Being the smart cookie she is, she did. I realized at that point I needed the relative anonymity to be able to post from the heart, which was kinda the point of this for me. I realized I wasn't doing this for anyone other than myself which was the purpose in the beginning, but nice to know it stayed that way.
But it's also made me feel like I'm talking to myself sometimes. Oh well. I seem to have a reputation for doing that anyway. At least there's less arguing that way.
So I'm going to look into seeing if I can move the whole shebang under a new url. Any suggestions on how to do that are welcome.
In the meantime I can certainly throw some stuff out there that won't traumatize her should she decide to come back here before I get it moved.
Year 1 in the Big City has been pretty good, all things considered. Hit a number of financial snags that have pretty much wiped out the savings account; bad tenants in the house that cost me money, then no tenants for a couple months; many, MANY car repairs .... yup, that pretty much caused the bulk of the financial suckage. January promises to ease the burden and just in the nick of time as I'm down to the last $50 in my savings account. I'll be getting rent this month, GST cheque comes end of the week, work bonus comes in Feb and Income tax shortly thereafter so the coffers will be filled back up soon enough. It's just a little nerve wracking in the meantime.
Sadly there have been no great adventures, romances, significant events associated with the move to the city... however, I feel my mental health has improved exponentially. I remember somewhere around April, May of this past year sitting on the bus on the way home, looking out the window watching the scenery pass and the oddest feeling came over me. I stared blankly out the window and slowly realized at that particular moment absolutely nothing was bothering me, upsetting me, worrying me... nothing. And it was at that moment that it occurred to me how long it had been since I'd been 'happy'. Not to sound like a dime store novel but it felt foreign and new to have that feeling again, and somewhat disturbing to realize how long it had been since the last time I had been 'happy'. And I could probably put a date on it. Jan 25, 2001. That was the day my mom got sick and everything has pretty much spiraled down from that point. Not everything stemmed from that... perhaps it did... I dunno... but looking back now that just seemed to be the point of no return.
But I don't want to talk about all that today. I think I've finally... FINALLY... dealt with the last five years of all encompassing shit. I still harbour some resentments but hey, I ain't perfect. If I didn't hold on to some of it I wouldn't be on top of my game when the day of reckoning is at hand.
So what else... oh yeah dating... phft.... met a few guys and had set up two dates, one back in the spring and one not so long ago and neither of them came to fruition. One came as close as to me almost getting stood up. Luckily I checked my email to discover he had gotten called into work. Really don't think I buy that load of bologna and I haven't talked to him since. I think he just chickened out at the last minute, which I almost did too, but instead of apologizing later he never spoke to me again. Yeah whatever assclown. Your loss honey.
But in another extremely interesting twist... I have mentioned 'MF' a few times, my 'married friend' .... well guess what... Put away the mittens and gloves, Hell DID freeze over boys and girls because he is now "SF", my Seperated soon-to-be-divorced friend. And yes, I am all OVER that. And have been. Tee hee.
I thought about it long and hard (snicker) because he is still back in Castle Rock. I even told him he has the WORST timing ever. But the last 12 years (according to him it's been 12 years) of flirt but don't touch, countless close calls have come to an end. And in all honesty when he told me the news I thought oh crap... and I really didn't know where that came from until the other night when I was going back through this blog and found a conversation I had with myself about how I enjoyed being the object of someone's lust and maybe it was better to not destroy the fantasy he had in his head. Apparently in my wisdom of over a year ago I told him I had just become a habit now and the fantasy was undoubtedly far better than the reality and he should thank me for not ruining that for him.
But apparently after a few Schmirnoff Ice all bets are off. Fantasy schmatasy this girl got NEEDS man!! ahahahahhahah I'm such a tool. And... *bites nail* it wasn't as ... explosive as I thought it would be after 12 years of foreplay. Nerves, and perhaps one cooler too many played a part in that. But I definitely had fun and don't regret a second of it. And it will happen again.
And lord above wasn't it heavenly to go out with a man who picked me up, took me out, didn't ignore me until it was time to leave. He introduced me to EVERYONE he knew, which is alot of people, I can't even remember half of them. He sat close, subtle touches that made me warm and fuzzy, held my hand going through the crowd... and then.... and THEN... he took me Xmas shopping the next day (I had shit to finish) and carried all my bags for me all afternoon. That was more than I expected.
But alas, the reality, because there's always an ugly reality is he's there and I'm here and I thought it was far too early to have a discussion on exactly what the hell we're doing here. However at some point, and soon, it must be done because I value his friendship and we need to be on the same page to avoid hurt feelings... mainly mine probably. He IS just out of a marriage so maybe he's not ready to jump into a relationship, and a long distance one at that. But there have been some promising text msgs and I'll admit sometimes I expect too much so I'm trying not to get too unreasonable. And I'll be the first to admit I'm a bit of a game player, but if I like you you'll know it. I'm just trying to guage if you like me back and just how much.
So I'll just coast on that for a bit and see where it goes. But if I sense it's going in the direction that it's going to adversely affect our friendship than ... well ya know... our friendship was based on his obsession with me so ya know. whatever. I dunno.
And the Sprog is moping around here being her usual miserable 13 yr old self so my concentration is off. And speaking of.... I wasn't supposed to post anything that would traumatize her was I.... oooopppsss.
np: "Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off"- Panic at the Disco (they really need to condense those song titles)
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
You're Ugly and Your Mother Dresses You Funny
While my new job unfortunately does not allow me to blog/email/surf anything I wouldn't want Big Brother to see during the day and tends to leave me brain dead in the evenings... plus The Sprog hogging the computer... I have been a dormant blogger for quite some time.
But that is all about to end this evening as I feel so insensed... so inflamed... so disgusted by something it has driven me to brush away the cobwebs and make my public outcry to denounce this vile epidemic sweeping the landscape. It offends me. It causes me to turn away in revulsion, bile rising in the back of my throat as I cringe and grimace at the very sight. It is wrong. Wrong like... like when that guy dug up body parts and built Frankenstein.
Crocs. *shudder*
That's right. I'll say it. I'll dare to be the person to stand up tall and proud and call them for what they are.
THEY ARE UGLY PEOPLE!! STOP WEARING THEM!!
You have been sucked in like a bug in an intake valve. $33 for rubber shoes?! Are you kidding me? And you're PAYING IT?!?! This is one of those times I think some designers (and I use that term loosely... mental patients more likely) got together and decided they'd try it again (after they did a trail run with wide leg pants in the 70s) , just to see how stupid people are. Let's make something really ugly but tout it as 'The Next Big Thing' and you're sssooooooooo not with it if you don't have it and let's see how many people go for it.
Then they lit the Bong and came up with 'Crocs' *shudder*
" But they're so comfortable...." my sister says. Yeah? Well so are polyester stretch pants but I don't see you getting around in those.
Listen to me people, if you're over the age of 12, the shoes look stupid. They're not cute on a 45 year old woman. They're cute on kids, but again- please refer to the age limit I have set forth. You look like a sheep following a trend, just another wanna be who got duped out of $35 for stupid looking shoes. If you wanna get them for mosing around the house or the garden of whatever, fine. Be my guest. But they should put little electric shockers on them so if you try to leave the boundaries of your personal property you get a nice little jolt to the soles of your feet to remind yourself you don't want to go out in public looking like AN IDIOT!!
And if that wasn't bad enough, now you can buy little plastic things to stick in the holes of these moron boots. Like, as if you didn't look retarded enough prancing around in your purple plastic shoes, now you're gonna shell out... what? I bet those little plastic dogs and cats and butterflies are $3 a pop? Am I close? WAKE UP AND SMELL THE RIP OFF PEOPLE.
Okay, I just need to calm down, shake it off. Where are my meds? I don't care what, just anything with 'phine' at the end of it will do.
What we need to do is bring all our troops back from AfghaniPakiRaq and use them to round up all these abhorrences of nature and burn them, bury them, nuke the hell out of them, shoot them into space. Or even better... maybe... send them to AfghaniPakiRaq and leave them laying around for the enemy to find. Drop a few pairs outside the caves and run. Bet it would make it much easier to spot them trying to hide behind a sand dune with those flourescent babies on. Let's see how much longer Bin Laden thinks he can hide in his stylin' lime green crocs with puppies and flowers in the holes. Am I right or am I right? Huh? huh?
If you own a pair of these monstrosities and decide to flame me, well... really... how serious do you think I'm gonna take a dressing down from someone who wears pink plastic shoes in public?
np- 'Faster Kill Pussycat" - Paul Oakenfield
But that is all about to end this evening as I feel so insensed... so inflamed... so disgusted by something it has driven me to brush away the cobwebs and make my public outcry to denounce this vile epidemic sweeping the landscape. It offends me. It causes me to turn away in revulsion, bile rising in the back of my throat as I cringe and grimace at the very sight. It is wrong. Wrong like... like when that guy dug up body parts and built Frankenstein.
Crocs. *shudder*
That's right. I'll say it. I'll dare to be the person to stand up tall and proud and call them for what they are.
THEY ARE UGLY PEOPLE!! STOP WEARING THEM!!
You have been sucked in like a bug in an intake valve. $33 for rubber shoes?! Are you kidding me? And you're PAYING IT?!?! This is one of those times I think some designers (and I use that term loosely... mental patients more likely) got together and decided they'd try it again (after they did a trail run with wide leg pants in the 70s) , just to see how stupid people are. Let's make something really ugly but tout it as 'The Next Big Thing' and you're sssooooooooo not with it if you don't have it and let's see how many people go for it.
Then they lit the Bong and came up with 'Crocs' *shudder*
" But they're so comfortable...." my sister says. Yeah? Well so are polyester stretch pants but I don't see you getting around in those.
Listen to me people, if you're over the age of 12, the shoes look stupid. They're not cute on a 45 year old woman. They're cute on kids, but again- please refer to the age limit I have set forth. You look like a sheep following a trend, just another wanna be who got duped out of $35 for stupid looking shoes. If you wanna get them for mosing around the house or the garden of whatever, fine. Be my guest. But they should put little electric shockers on them so if you try to leave the boundaries of your personal property you get a nice little jolt to the soles of your feet to remind yourself you don't want to go out in public looking like AN IDIOT!!
And if that wasn't bad enough, now you can buy little plastic things to stick in the holes of these moron boots. Like, as if you didn't look retarded enough prancing around in your purple plastic shoes, now you're gonna shell out... what? I bet those little plastic dogs and cats and butterflies are $3 a pop? Am I close? WAKE UP AND SMELL THE RIP OFF PEOPLE.
Okay, I just need to calm down, shake it off. Where are my meds? I don't care what, just anything with 'phine' at the end of it will do.
What we need to do is bring all our troops back from AfghaniPakiRaq and use them to round up all these abhorrences of nature and burn them, bury them, nuke the hell out of them, shoot them into space. Or even better... maybe... send them to AfghaniPakiRaq and leave them laying around for the enemy to find. Drop a few pairs outside the caves and run. Bet it would make it much easier to spot them trying to hide behind a sand dune with those flourescent babies on. Let's see how much longer Bin Laden thinks he can hide in his stylin' lime green crocs with puppies and flowers in the holes. Am I right or am I right? Huh? huh?
If you own a pair of these monstrosities and decide to flame me, well... really... how serious do you think I'm gonna take a dressing down from someone who wears pink plastic shoes in public?
np- 'Faster Kill Pussycat" - Paul Oakenfield
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Satanic Lemon
Until I manage to gather a few thoughts in a cohesive manner, please enjoy just another wild and weird thing I found out there in FreakLand.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=9508334956
Don't forget to read the comments. Priceless.
All Hail Beelzefruit!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=9508334956
Don't forget to read the comments. Priceless.
All Hail Beelzefruit!
Monday, March 27, 2006
Est que je peux une vanilla latte por favor?
Sometimes I feel like that poor stupid rat that gets zapped everytime it goes for the cheese, but just keeps doing it anyway.
I have a date next weekend. The plans are loose at this point but they do involve meeting up for coffee on Saturday. While so far he hasn't set off any of my mental red flags (other than that whole 'death metal' thing), past experience won't let me get too excited until I meet the dude face to face. And hear him speak. In full sentences. With no speech inpediment or words that make no sense. And odd nervous ticks count against him. Sorry- call me shallow. I don't care. But I dare any of you to tell me you honestly think a facial tick is sexy. Puhlease. While Terrets can be humourous, it's certainly not sexy.
But yeah, so as long as he is what I think he is, then just maybe I might actually get me some this decade.
And my house is rented! YAAAHHHH!!! Real estate dude came through for me! So now I'll have a little extra moola each month which I SHOULD be putting away... for... something... but for now I'm having too much fun shopping and drinking lattes and these things cost money dammit. I have a life now dammit and lives cost money dammit. I am just SOOOO unbelievably thrilled I don't have to make one more trip to New Cracker to clean out that house. It is finito and buddy moves in on Monday. A-fucking-men. I am now officially... a 'Landlord'. Fear me. Bow to me. Or not. Whatever.
I feel so relieved. I know there were SOME people who probably hoped things would not work out for me on this whole move, so to you I say NAH NAH NAH FUCKING NAH BITCH. I got a great job doing a quarter of the work I was doing before for more pay, I really like the apartment we moved into, my house is rented so there's a little extra money for me, and I live in the city. So please, continue to enjoy your stagnant little life in your stagnant little town while you hear through the grape vine how great I'm doing.
In reality I really should thank her for being such a cunt because in a way she was one of the contributing factors that pushed me to do what I wanted to do all along.
Yeah, maybe later.
np: (Good Riddance) Time of Your Life - Green Day (* I swear I'm not making it up. It just came on the radio. Talk about karma or what)
I have a date next weekend. The plans are loose at this point but they do involve meeting up for coffee on Saturday. While so far he hasn't set off any of my mental red flags (other than that whole 'death metal' thing), past experience won't let me get too excited until I meet the dude face to face. And hear him speak. In full sentences. With no speech inpediment or words that make no sense. And odd nervous ticks count against him. Sorry- call me shallow. I don't care. But I dare any of you to tell me you honestly think a facial tick is sexy. Puhlease. While Terrets can be humourous, it's certainly not sexy.
But yeah, so as long as he is what I think he is, then just maybe I might actually get me some this decade.
And my house is rented! YAAAHHHH!!! Real estate dude came through for me! So now I'll have a little extra moola each month which I SHOULD be putting away... for... something... but for now I'm having too much fun shopping and drinking lattes and these things cost money dammit. I have a life now dammit and lives cost money dammit. I am just SOOOO unbelievably thrilled I don't have to make one more trip to New Cracker to clean out that house. It is finito and buddy moves in on Monday. A-fucking-men. I am now officially... a 'Landlord'. Fear me. Bow to me. Or not. Whatever.
I feel so relieved. I know there were SOME people who probably hoped things would not work out for me on this whole move, so to you I say NAH NAH NAH FUCKING NAH BITCH. I got a great job doing a quarter of the work I was doing before for more pay, I really like the apartment we moved into, my house is rented so there's a little extra money for me, and I live in the city. So please, continue to enjoy your stagnant little life in your stagnant little town while you hear through the grape vine how great I'm doing.
In reality I really should thank her for being such a cunt because in a way she was one of the contributing factors that pushed me to do what I wanted to do all along.
Yeah, maybe later.
np: (Good Riddance) Time of Your Life - Green Day (* I swear I'm not making it up. It just came on the radio. Talk about karma or what)
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